drop everything now, meet me in the pouring rain, kiss me on the sidewalk, take away the pain

after a terrible, awful, horrible, no good, very bad WEEK last week... things are slowly starting to turn around for the better. and i couldn't be more happier with that. let's start from the beginning... the cause of said bad week. 

woke up on monday with a killer migraine. my migraine bracelet broke the weekend before when i went out. this means my migraine was going to be pretty bad without it. it lasted 4 days before calming down to a dull headache; in which i still have. got to school on monday, turned on my computer and was confronted with a black screen reading in korean, "reinstall windows XP". awesome... no work computer. after getting the CD's we thought we needed, we find out we have to call the technician and he has to come pick up my computer to fix. so that means i need to bring my laptop in for work. 

tuesday, brought my laptop in. everything was completely fine that day. minus my devil class being royal shitheads. 

wednesday, my work computer was brought back to me in perfect working order. the only issue i have now with it is minor. sometimes internet pages won't load and it says that it's something with the server. so basically i have to refresh the page a bunch of times and it eventually works. so not a big deal. 

thursday, woke up and my personal laptop wouldn't work. completely frozen and then died. i got a grey screen with a flashing file folder with a question mark. just lovely. brought it to work, had my co-teacher call the tech who fixed it the first time. i have to bring it to him again, but he said i can ship it to him. so we go to the post office after teaching... turns out it has to be specially wrapped, which costs more and has to be done at the big post office, not my small one by my school. this means my co-teacher has to do it after work. so now i'm without a laptop and frustrated beyond belief. thursday was a lot of crying. lots of tears. all out of frustration. 

friday, my laptop made it to the tech and i had to wait till like 8pm to hear from him. apparently it was the same issue as last time. he had a 1 year warranty on the part, so he would fix it for free. at this point i was pissed... i just had my computer fixed 2 months ago with this problem and it was already broke again. so i told him to fix it, but it was going to take a week to 10 days.... GAH! at this point i said screw it, and called my mom. i asked her to ship me my brand new computer that has been sitting at my parents for the last two months. it was gonna cost a bit to get it, but in the end it will be worth it, because i will have a computer that works and i don't have to worry about it dying every 2 months or freezing all the time. 

saturday around 3am it was decided my computer was getting sent to me. at 7am, after a groggy phone call or two, being how i got home and went to bed around 4:30am, my computer was shipped through fedex and should be here soon. 

sunday, come home sunday after going to dani's to pick up a borrowed work computer from her to a freezing cold apartment... it was literally 6 degrees in my apartment. turned the heat on, bundled up in my pjs and was working on a few things. went to grab something out of the freezer and realized my fridge and freezer were both not working. at all. things were defrosted and my fridge was warm... lovely. 

at this point my exact thoughts were, 1)technology HATES me!! 2) am i being punished for something?!

everything turned around on monday.... thankfully. my computer had/has made it to korea. though it has been sitting in customs for 3 days. monday did bring good news of all kinds. my recruiter finally called me back with not one but TWO schools that were interested in me. i also found out one of my close friends here isn't resigning (not good news, very sad, but it's the right decision for her), but that opened up another school that would instantly hire me without an interview at all. i also had another friend here who has previous co-workers who are looking for native teachers. so this means there are options.


today brought more good news. it's just piling up. after talking with fedex two different times, i finally got an account number to transfer my duty fee for my computer. it was then cleared from customs FINALLY!! after just checking it, it has made it to ilsan and i should have it by tomorrow! i also went to dinner with my friend who has previous co-workers looking for native teachers. turns out one of them knows my current co-teacher and called her right up. 


fact that i learned tonight: 
there are 3 different types of budgets for native teachers... fully funded by GEPIK (which had all the cuts), fully funded by the city (which is stable), and then half from each. my school falls in the 3rd category of being funded half and half. this means everything is uncertain still. hopefully we should know something by this week. so there is still a possibility of being able to stay at my school. 

and upon me getting home and changing out my dead battery for a charged battery i came into EVEN MORE good news... if my school can't hire me because of budget cuts then i FOR SURE HAVE A JOB FOR NEXT YEAR!!!  let me repeat that just to make sure you got that..... 


I FOR SURE HAVE A JOB FOR NEXT YEAR!!!!!! 

i am sooooooooooo happy! wether i stay at my school or go to clara's school, either way i know i am going to be happy there. :) 

i am having an amazing week and it's only tuesday! new laptop tomorrow, wednesday is special lunch, which is always super good, a somewhat set plan for the next year of my life, dinner with steph tomorrow night, christmas exchange for secret snowflake on thursday, christmas weekend with dani! it's going to be amazing! :) 

food for thought

The Best Teacher Ever

Author Unknown

There is a story from many years ago of a primary school teacher. Her name was Mrs. Thompson. And as she stood in front of her 5th grade class on the very first day of school, she told the children a lie. Like most teachers, she looked at her students and said that she loved them all the same.

But that was impossible because there in the front row, slumped in his seat, was a little boy named Teddy Stoddard.

Mrs. Thompson had watched Teddy the year before and noticed that he didn't play well with the other children, that his clothes were messy and that he constantly needed a bath. And, Teddy could be unpleasant.

It got to the point where Mrs. Thompson would actually take delight in marking his papers with a broad red pen, making bold X's and then putting a big "F" at the top of his papers. At the school where Mrs. Thompson taught, she was required to review each child's past records and she put Teddy's off until last.

However, when she reviewed his file, she was in for a surprise, Teddy's first grade teacher wrote, "Teddy is a bright child with a ready laugh. He does his work neatly and has good manners...he is a joy to be around."

His second grade teacher wrote, "Teddy is an excellent student, well liked by his classmates, but he is troubled because his mother has a terminal illness and life at home must be a struggle."

His third grade teacher wrote, "His mother's death has been hard on him. He tries to do his best but his father doesn't show much interest and his home life will soon affect him if some steps aren't taken."

Teddy's fourth grade teacher wrote, "Teddy is withdrawn and doesn't show much interest in school. He doesn't have many friends and sometimes sleeps in class."

By now, Mrs. Thompson realized the problem and she was ashamed of herself. She felt even worse when her students brought her Christmas presents, wrapped in beautiful paper and tied with pretty ribbons, except for Teddy's. His present which was clumsily wrapped in the heavy, brown paper that he got from a grocery bag.

Mrs. Thompson took pains to open it in the middle of the other presents. Some of the children started to laugh when she found a rhinestone bracelet with some of the stones missing, and a bottle that was one quarter full of perfume. But she stifled the children's laughter when she exclaimed how pretty the bracelet was, putting it on, and dabbing some of the perfume on her wrist. Teddy Stoddard stayed after school that day just long enough to say, "Mrs. Thompson, today you smelled just like my mom used to."

After the children left she cried for at least an hour. On that very day, she quit teaching reading, and writing, and arithmetic. Instead she began to teach children.

Mrs. Thompson paid particular attention to Teddy. As she worked with him, his mind seemed to come alive. The more she encouraged him, the faster he responded. By the end of the year, Teddy had become one of the smartest children in the class and, despite her lie that she would love all the children the same, Teddy became one of her "teacher's pets."

A year later, she found a note under her door, from Teddy, telling her that she was still the best teacher he ever had in his whole life.

Six years went by before she got another note from Teddy. He then wrote that he had finished high school, third in his class, and she was still the best teacher he ever had in his whole life.

Four years after that, she got another letter, saying that while things had been tough at times, he'd stayed in school, had stuck with it, and would soon graduate from college with the highest of honors. He assured Mrs. Thompson that she was still the best and favorite teacher he ever had in his whole life.

Then four more years passed and yet another letter came. This time he explained that after he got his bachelor's degree, he decided to go a little further. The letter explained that she was still the best and favorite teacher he ever had. But now his name was a little longer - the letter was signed, Theodore F. Stoddard, MD.

The story doesn't end there. You see, there was yet another letter that spring. Teddy said he'd met this girl and was going to be married. He explained that his father had died a couple of years ago and he was wondering if Mrs. Thompson might agree to sit in the place at the wedding that was usually reserved for the mother of the groom. Of course Mrs. Thompson did.

And guess what? She wore that bracelet, the one with several rhinestones missing. And she made sure she was wearing the perfume that Teddy remembered his mother wearing on their last Christmas together. They hugged each other, and Dr. Stoddard whispered in Mrs. Thompson's ear, "Thank you Mrs. Thompson for believing in me. Thank you so much for making me feel important and showing me that I could make a difference."

Mrs. Thompson, with tears in her eyes, whispered back. She said, "Teddy, you have it all wrong. You were the one who taught me that I could make a difference. I didn't know how to teach until I met you."

my grad school professor posted this in our discussion forum for this weeks class. i won't lie, i got a little teary eyed reading it. this is why i love teaching... even with all the downs, it's something like this that makes it all worth it. i want to be able to do this for one of my students.

i'll be home for christmas, you can plan on me

this is me procrastinating again... i really don't want to work on my paper, or my camp book, or read, or lesson plan, or do really anything. i'm too tired. but i know i need to use my time wisely because i have a lot to do, but i'm slowly running out of time. i keep telling myself that keeping busy is a good thing, but i'm slowly getting overwhelmed. it's frustrating. i just keep telling myself 2 more weeks of grad school and then it's winter vacation till after january. then one more week of classes and then i am taking two weeks off for my winter vacation. 

as of friday night tickets were book for indonesia in january!!! i'm sooooooo excited. 17 days traveling around the country with dani. it's going to be awesome. flying into bali on the 15th and not coming back to korea till the 31st. oh i can't wait. 

there are so many countdowns that i have... 

11 days till my winter camp book is due. 
11 days till my sister's birthday. 
14 days till winter vacation from grad school. 
18 days till the last day of school here.
20 days till christmas! 
21 days till winter camp starts. 
41 days till INDONESIA! 


i also need to still be on the look out for a job. i had an interview last week with a middle school in bucheon, but i didn't get it because i have no prior teaching experience with middle schoolers. it's sucked that i didn't get it because now i am back to square one where i started, but i really didn't want to teach middle school anyways... so i guess it is better this way. but now i am back to the beginning, which is more stress. my recruiter sent me one other school, which i turned down because they couldn't pay the full amount and i refuse to take a pay cut. 


it's santacon this weekend. which is basically a night where foreigners get dressed up in santa outfits and go out in seoul and bar hop. i still don't have my santa costume, but i'm excited. it should be a lot of fun. :) 


i am pretty excited for christmas though. even if i won't be home for it. i have put up the lights i got from jennie before she left, my mini-tree is decorated with lights and ornaments, and i have my presents from my aunt under the tree. plus my sister sent me christmas music that i get to listen to. and i just made a christmas music playlist at work to listen to as well. love christmas. 


i guess i should probably stop procrastinating and work on my camp book some more. or my portion of my research paper that's due this week. either way i need to be productive.

we were doing it right, we were coming alive

today marks me being in korea for 9 months... crazy how time has flown by. i still get those moments sometimes that feel like i just got here. they are scarce, but they still happen sometimes. 

so i have 3 months left on my contract at my current elementary school. because GEPIK went through a giant budget cut this year, a lot of schools lost their funding and they have been on a hiring freeze because of it. originally, before any of this happened, my school told me they probably wouldn't be able to afford me next year because i get paid on a higher rate because of my teaching license. this was fine because i wasn't planning on staying a second year. but the more i have thought about it, the more it makes sense for me to stay a second year. there is nothing for me back in the states. why not stay here where i can make enough money to not only pay my bills, but save and be able to travel? so i asked my school what the status of the school budget was like for next year... as of now no budget for a native english teacher. this presented a problem. if i am going to stay a second year, i am going to have to find a new school. or pray my school somehow gets funding for next year. 

so to avoid panicking too much, i contacted my recruiter who i went through when i got here. told them the situation and asked if they could help me find another job. i want to stay in the area i am in, and i refuse to go anywhere but a public school. no hagwons for me. so naturally the first two schools they sent me... hagwons. then i got an email about a public school in bucheon that wanted to interview me. the catch... it's a middle school. i have never taught middle school and technically in the states i am not licensed to teach middle school, nor would i really want to. after telling my recruiter i would do the interview, i learned that the school had 10 resume's they were looking at and i am the only one who is getting a second face-to-face interview. that made me feel pretty good and a little nervous at the same time. 

so wednesday (pending approval to miss my school's teacher's sports day) i have a face-to-face interview in bucheon at a middle school. which automatically makes me extremely nervous. i hate interviews, whether they are over the phone or in person. i just automatically get nervous, stressed, shaky hands etc. even thinking about it now has made me nervous. 

this interview has brought on all these questions though...

do i really want to stay a second year? 
i have loved my time here in korea. it's been a great experience. but can i handle being gone for another year? if i could renew with my school there would be so many benefits of staying. a pay raise, an extra 2 weeks of vacation, already knowing the kids i would be teaching etc. 

is it worth me starting over at a new school? 
since my school can't renew my contract i have to start over. in a new town where i have never been. at a new school. with new students, who are older than i have ever taught before. with new co-workers which may or may not be good. there isn't any perks of me starting at a new school. i will be earning the same, no extra vacation, etc. 

do i want to risk going back to the states with nothing lined up? 
the job market in the states right now is terrible. do i really want to pack up here and go home just to find there is nothing there? 

am i going to regret my decision either way? 
no matter what i choose, whether i stay or go home, am i going to regret it?  

all these questions and more running around in my head. makes it very hard to think straight sometimes. these next three months are going to be full of tough decision making. when did we become grown-ups and required to make grown-up decisions?  
 

take my breath away...

this past week was thanksgiving, and it marks my first thanksgiving outside the USA and away from my family. even though i wasn't near my family and friends back in the states, i still have a lot to be thankful for. sometimes i forget what i have and thanksgiving was a time to remember. 

i am thankful first and foremost for my family. even though i am thousands of miles away, thanks to technology, i was able to skype with them on thanksgiving before they ate dinner. it wasn't the same as being there, but i am thankful for my family and i love them dearly. especially adorable little girls. who just so happened to call me on skype the other day around 2am my time. the reason for the call in the middle of the night... savannah needed my aunt's cell phone number to call her and couldn't find it. so instead of waking up her brother who was home, she called me in south korea. how adorable is that? made my night. 


i am thankful for my friends, both at home and here in korea. i spent my actual thanksgiving night with a great friend having indian food for dinner and then doing some shopping. on saturday, i hosted a thanksgiving dinner for a group of friends. it was awesome to hang out and enjoy a home cooked meal with some awesome friends. the food was great, the company was great and it was wonderful. i couldn't have asked for more for my first thanksgiving abroad. 


i am thankful for my job. i have such an amazing opportunity to experience so much. all while using my degree and my teaching license. i get the opportunity to travel. meet some amazing people. not only make money, but save money. experience a new culture. i can pay my loans without fear that i am going to run out of money that month.


i am thankful for the roof over my head. with my job comes a free apartment. now while my apartment isn't the biggest, it has grown on me and i love it. i have made it my own. with pictures and such. recently with christmas lights. and soon with a christmas tree. 



i am thankful for my education. i have been given the opportunity to use my education for teaching here in korea. i have also recently decided to further my education and i am happy with what i have been doing with it so far. it's been an interesting ride and i am looking forward to continuing. 

i know in the next 3 months, there are going to be a lot of changes in my life as far as job, living situation, school, etc. and i am just gonna have to remember everything that i have. 

let my heart take me where it wants to go

so here i am, procrastinating on my homework again... i really just don't want to read anymore. and this article is 150 pages long. makes my head hurt just thinking about doing it. i'm supposed to summarize it and put specific information into a matrix that is part of a group project. we are also supposed to write an introduction and a conclusion to go with it. don't. wanna. do. it. 

today was extremely stressful and frustrating. it's usually how tuesdays and especially thursdays go. but for some reason today was more than normal. not necessarily because of my students (though trust me you will hear about them in a bit) but because i started to think about what's going to happen at the end of february/beginning of march and of course because i don't have any idea what i am going to do, i started to panic. silently this time so my co-workers didn't have to witness it again. 

i have no plans after my contract here is done. i don't do well with no plans and flying by the seat of my pants in certain situations. traveling, yah that's fine i can fly by the seat of my pants with the best of them. but life, not so much. i'm the type of person that likes to have sort of plan. a plan in this case would be a place to live, an income, a car (which would require me to update my driver's license). none of these things i have. i will be getting a nice severance package when my contract is done, but that is only going to go so far. i have saved a little bit, and could probably save more from now till when i am done. but again, only going to go so far. the idea of moving back in with my parents does not sound appealing. as much as i love them, i would love them more if i didn't live with them ever again. my parents sold my car, which is so politely asked them to do when i left the states back in february. but this has left me without a form of transportation. there is also the situation with the expired driver's license, which i need to update in order to use my international diving permit. oops. 

so because i was thinking about it today after i was done teaching for the day and because i was avoiding doing my homework, i went online and started looking for jobs abroad. i was looking at international schools pretty much anywhere, international job boards in a few different places. at the end of about 3 hours, with finding on a select few jobs, i was even more frustrated, wanted to cry, stressed even more, and just all around defeated. all i wanted to do was go home and crawl under my covers and forget about all of this. 

but i can't do that. because i have homework. that i am continuing to avoid. so on my walk home from work i was thinking, "well what if i stay in korea a second year?" which is a little surprising to me... honestly i didn't think i would stay more than a year. and up until recently i was dead set on going home. but the more that i have thought about it, the more i could see myself staying here. life is easy here. i get paid a fairly reasonable price. i am able to pay my loans with no worries. i am able to travel. i am using my degree for what it really is. i am gaining experience to add to my resume. i am learning new things constantly. i am happy here. but here we have a problem. with the GEPIK budget cuts, schools have been losing their funding for native English teachers, as far as i know my school hasn't lost their budget completely; but it's been cut somewhat. which means that my school can't afford me, since i get paid on a little bit of a higher scale because of my teaching license. 

which puts me back to square one. with nothing. so what do i do? well what i want to do is crawl under my covers and just forget all of this. but i can't. because that would only procrastinate on the inevitable even more. plus i have homework... yuck. 
*i would like to add that at this point i have opened a bottle of wine my aunt sent me from the states and have proceeded to drink a glass...* 


i am going to go into work tomorrow, or thursday (since i actually teach with my handler on thursdays and fridays), and talk to my co-teacher again to make sure things are for sure not going to happen. but i don't really want to go up to her and just ask her flat out if they are rehiring me or not... somehow i don't think that would go over too well. so i am gonna need to find a way to bring it up. i'm sure i'll think of something. 


i just really don't want to go back to the states. at least not right now. the job market blows, which means more than likely i would have to take a job i really don't want or a job that isn't in my field. and then i am afraid of hating my job. thus hating being back in the states. i am afraid of getting stuck somewhere where i don't want to be. i don't want to settle for something, when i know i can do better. i refuse to settle. i don't want to be stuck in a rut. this is what made me leave in the first place. because i was unhappy with where i was. and wanted a change. and now that i have it, i don't want to give it up. 


i refuse to settle. i'm afraid to go back to the states. i fear i am going to fail. i need things to fall into place for me. just this once. just fall into place so i know what i am doing. please. 

it's gonna be alright baby

i am two weeks into my new grad school class and i have come to the conclusion that all i am going to be doing for the rest of my 6.5 weeks in this class is reading. reading, reading, reading. that's it. with a paper here and there, but mostly reading. 

i don't know if it's that i haven't been in school for 2 years and i forgot the amount of reading that there was in college, or that there is far more reading when you are a grad student, but i definitely feel a little overwhelmed with the amount of reading i have to do every week. it's seriously at least 500 pages from a variety of articles and such. like this week, let's see: 

chapter 11 from one of my textbooks, 6 different online articles from the library; each at least 50 pages as a minimum, a 150 page article that i need to summarize and put into a matrix and follow the guidelines. i then need to send my information in my matrix to my group members... er member. i also needed to find an article to go with my action research proposal plan topic and read summarize and write about that. 

at let me tell you, i never really liked group projects, but having a group project when everyone is spread out across the United States and i am here in Korea... yah it blows big time. it's very hard to get a hold of everyone. we started out as a group of 5. but since then 2 of our group members are inactive (as in they haven't done anything in the online classroom at all). i got a message from one of my group members today, apparently the 3rd one has not responded to anything, so he is emailing the professor and asking for advice on what we should do. this just seems to be way more stressful than i remember. 


i just need to keep in mind that this is all going to work out and it will be fine. i am doing this to further my education. thankfully i was informed that there is a 2 week christmas vacation that is built into the class around the holidays. so i will have a 2 week break where i don't HAVE to do work, but if i need time to catch up on things i can. after the new year, i will finish my last week and a half of class and be done. then i will be taking a voluntary 2 week break because i will be going to indonesia in january for my winter vacation. i am quite excited for that. 


i feel like all i have done is read today. and i am no where near being done. i have decided it's 9pm and i'm done for the night. i can't handle reading and summarizing anymore. that's what i will be doing tomorrow after i am done teaching and lesson planning. 


it's also starting to get cold out. we had a cold patch a while back and then it got warm again, which has been nice, but now it's getting cold again. cold enough that i have to wear socks to bed... and we all know how much i loathe wearing socks to bed. but it's far too cold otherwise. 


i need to go pack away all of my reading. the pile on my floor is growing...

michael jackson scaring my children

so i'm sure some of you saw on my facebook that i got the pleasure of scaring the crap out of my children around halloween with a video. i promised that there would be video to follow. i have finally uploaded all the videos i could take and here are the results. 

first, here is the video that was used. you should watch it first. 


i was only able to get 2 of my 5th grade classes. here are their reactions: 

here are the reactions from my 6th grade classes: 

 

i said, how far do you wanna go?

i love fall. it is probably my favorite season out of all of them! i was worried about missing all the wonderful colors from home (because oregon falls are GORGEOUS!) but thankfully ilsan did not disappoint and i have been able to see some wonderful colors! 

Right outside my apartment

On my walk to work every morning

LOVE the colors!

The trees outside the front of my school

The front of my school

The entrance I see everyday!

 i am mentally preparing myself for the cold winter ahead. only 4 more months left in korea and they are going to be the coldest 4 months ever!

never break your computer in a foreign country

have i mentioned before that technology hates me... because i really think it does. 

last wednesday i was finishing up my first grad school paper. my computer had been giving me trouble for some time. it's been really slow and freezing when i had too many programs open. but i couldn't find anything else wrong with it. everything was up to date, it was just slow. well while i was emailing my paper to my mom to check for me (and yes i do have my mom check my papers, don't judge), i was uploading pictures to facebook from the asia song festival, getting ready to skype with jennie and i was listening to my itunes. well apparently my computer was not happy with all this and froze. so i turned it off to give it a few minutes to rest and then.... nothing. it wouldn't turn back on. i just got to the grey screen with the apple logo and then nothing. 

*gigantic freak-out/panic mode kicks in*

over the next few hours i call clara to get apple's phone number. my mom to tell her what happen/have her help be decide what to do. applecare to see what i should do. (they were less than helpful because i am no longer under warranty with this computer. my mom again to again freak out and have her make my decision for me (that didn't go over so well). finally apple customer service to order a new computer. i really didn't think i had any other choice. so my new computer was ordered and should be to my parents by wednesday (oregon time). 

i go to school the next day, after only sleeping a few hours and tell my co-teacher what happened. hoping the school might have a laptop i can borrow. no such luck. but my other co-teacher graciously took it upon herself to find a repair shop that might be able to fix my computer. my co-teacher calls them, explains what is wrong and they tell me they will be able to fix it, i just need to bring it in. wonderful. next important question... "does anyone speak english there, since i'm going alone?" nope... but it won't be a problem i'm told.

it ended up being a small "mom & pop" shop in the basement of a papa john's building all the way in gangnam, a good hour or so from me. when i got there, no tech was there, just the receptionist, who didn't speak any english. after calling my co-teacher to translate it was established i had to leave my laptop as the tech wouldn't be back till later. 

my co-teacher go a phone call the next day. they could fix my computer. the OS needed to be reinstalled and my hard drive needed to be replaced. i was desperate to have some sort of computer, as the new one i ordered wouldn't even be to my parents for a good week or so. so i said go ahead and fix it. 

i was able to pick it up last night. and after 40 mins of waiting, we were able to get all of my documents and such off of my time machine back-up from before my computer died. so basically i have a brand new computer in the old casing. i ALSO have a brand new macbook pro in the mail to my parents house and then they are supposed to send it to me.

so now i am a little stuck as to what i should do. i have my fixed computer, which is basically brand new, and an actual brand new computer on the way... do i have my parents leave the computer at the house and wait till i get home? or do i have them send it and i can try and sell the old one while i am here? somebody decide for me...

i would run myself in circles here without you

tuesday the 11th of october is finally over! why is/was this day so important that i am writing about it? it was the day of my open class. what is open class you ask? allow me to explain. 

last semester i was introduced to the concept of open class when my 5th grade teacher handed me a very, and i mean extremely, detailed lesson plan and asked me to check spelling, sentences, grammar etc. she informed me it was for her open class that was taking place in a few weeks and she wanted to make sure the English was basically perfect. open class? uh... should i know what this is and should i be preparing too? 

open class is basically the opportunity for other teachers, in my case, other native English teachers and their Korean co-teachers from around my area to come into my classroom and observe myself and my co-teacher as we teach a class. once this was explained to me, i was instantly nervous. even though i was told it wouldn't be until october.  

from then until now a few things had changed. my children had become monsters. not all of them, but a good chunk of them are monsters. my already monster children became devils, who get worse with every class period. my 6th grade co-teacher took a teaching job in Paraguay and left at the end of august. so i got a new co-teacher, who has never been an English teacher before. so i was a bit more nervous. 


my new co-teacher said she was the one that was going to write the lesson plan, which i was happy to let her do. it meant less stressful work for me to do. we went through 3 drafts of corrections and changes before we had a final draft. materials were made and we were set. tuesday came and i was a mess. 


tuesday was also picture day for the 6th graders for their graduation yearbook. which means we had to take staff pictures. i already had to dress nice for my open class, so that was fine. but it meant that i spent tuesday running around like a chicken with my head cut off. 


9:00am: staff picture outside. where i had to sit in front with all the 6th grade teachers, because i am the 6th grade English teacher. 
9:10am: run back up to the 3rd floor to start teaching. we spent the first 4 classes practicing our open class lesson plan on them, since it was the lesson everyone was on. this worked for 3 our of the 4 classes. naturally my 6-7 class of devils were in rare form, forcing me to making them write lines. a 6 line story, 15 times. they are so incredibly frustrating. i am at my wits end with them and honestly don't know what else to do other than what i am already doing. thankfully by the end of the day we were able to cut and fix a few things to where we were prepared for open class that afternoon. 


lunch-12:20pm: we ate quickly so we could prepare things.
after lunch, my 5th grade co-teacher and one of the music teachers went down to the auditorium to take our individual staff pictures. low and behold when we walked in, my 6-5 class, also my class i chose to do my open class with, were in there taking their individual cap and gown pictures. after explaining to the photographer that i had an open class in the afternoon, so i needed to take my picture now, i was put on stage in front of the back drop. and also in front of 35 of my 6th grade students. yep... they watched as the photographer positioned me, placed my hands, tilted my head and took my picture 3 times. not awkward at all. 

12:45pm: i am in the office getting my things together. i also have a minor panic attack while talking to mark and dani. mark's words afterwards: you were slightly freaking out. yah i was a little terrified. up until 2pm, my co-teacher and i were running around making sure that everything was set up. we went over our lesson a couple of times, made sure all of the equipment worked, all the materials were set up and everything was in order. 


2pm: GO TIME! other teachers filed into the back of the classroom and sat down looking at our handout copy of the lesson plan. we went through the lesson plan, keeping track of time as to not go over. it went off really well. my class was amazing! they did a very good job. 


3pm: the evaluation by the other teachers. this is a big part i was worried about. most of the evaluation was done in korean, which means i didn't understand most of what they were saying. some of it was translated, but a lot of it wasn't. the two native English teachers that were there, were awesome. lots of good feedback. including all of the Korean teachers commenting on how much they like my voice... my loud voice comes in handy quite often here! :) 


4pm: i got to go home early! it was a wonderful gift. i went home with every intention of doing my homework that is due tomorrow. i decided a nap would be a good idea, since i slept 3 hours the night before. my hour long nap turned into a 4 hour nap. i woke up at 9pm. ate a bit of dinner, looked at my homework and thought otherwise, skyped with mark and called it a night. 


i am sooooooooooooo happy to be done with open class! and i survived just fine.

it's official...

so it's official...

It is my pleasure to notify you of your official Acceptance for Admission to Grand Canyon University. It should be noted that all official transcripts must be received in the Transcripts Department prior to having transfer credit evaluated and applied to your academic record. Once a final review of your transcripts is complete you will be notified of your official matriculation to your degree program.
Congratulations again on your acceptance. Please let us know how we can serve you as you pursue excellence in your academic endeavors.

Jennifer Lech
Vice President of Academic Compliance and Regulation
Grand Canyon University

... though i am still waiting on financial aid to be finalized. but, as of this thursday, after i start classes, i am officially a graduate student.

and i am officially nervous!!

i'll be alright, just not tonight, someday

happy friday everyone! :) sara bareilles came out with a new video for "Gonna Get Over You" and i love it. enjoy! :) 

"Gonna Get Over You" 

Goodbye
Should be sayin' that to you by now, shouldn't I?
Layin' down the law that I live by,
Though maybe next time

I've got a thick tongue,
Brimming with the words that go unsung
Simmer then the burn for a someone,
A wrong one

And I tell myself to let the story end,
My heart will rest in someone else's hand
My 'why not me?' philosophy began,
And I say

Ooh, how'm I gonna get over you?
I'll be alright, just not tonight
Someday, oh I wish you'd want me to stay
I'll be alright, just not tonight,
Someday

Maybe is a vicious little word that can slay me
Keep me when I'm hurting and make me,
Hang from your hands

Well, no more,
I won't beg to buy a shot at your back door
If I make it at the thought of you, what for?
It's not me anymore

And I'm not the girl that I intend to be,
I dare you darling, just you wait and see
But this time not for you but just for me,
And I say

Ooh, how'm I gonna get over you?
I'll be alright, just not tonight
Someday, oh I wish you'd want me to stay
I'll be alright, just not tonight,
Someday

Say it's coming soon,
Someday without you,
All I can do
Is get me past the ghost of you,

Wave goodbye to me,
I won't say I'm sorry,
I'll be alright
once I find the other side of someday
Oohoohooohoohooh...
Oohoohooohoohooh...

Ooh, how'm I gonna get over you?
I'll be alright, just not tonight
Someday, oh I wish you'd want me to stay
I'll be alright, just not tonight,
Someday

look mom, i'm a big kid now!

as of this morning around 8:45am, i am officially a graduate student! i will be pursuing my master's of education in curriculum and instruction: reading with an emphasis in elementary education through grand canyon university; which is based out of arizona. 

since i am currently in south korea, i will be doing classes online through their online program. once i make it back to the states, i have the option of continuing and finishing my degree online, or i could always move to arizona and finish up my classes in an actual class on campus. right now, i have no idea what i am going to do come 5 months from now. i am just going to deal with what i have on my plate right now and go from there. 


my program should take me between 17-18 months to complete. i have 9 classes or 34 credits to complete over the course of that time. all of the work is done online, posting my assignments, sending my homework, interacting with the other students and even the practicum class i am required to take at the end. i was told if i wanted to switch to the campus after i come back to the states, i can also do that. so there would be an option to move to arizona if i wanted. 


as of right now i should be starting my classes next thursday. pending my account being set up and my transcripts from pacific showing proof that i hold a bachelor's degree already. 


cue freak out: omg i'm starting graduate school next week!! eek! 


this is really happening!

why you gotta? why you wanna make me keep wanting you?

i am afraid i might be getting my first cold in korea. i woke up on sunday feeling sort of achy, a little bit of a sore throat, and just all around tired. i felt extremely tired all day, but forced myself to go out and do a small hike with stephanie and then a hour bike ride. after that, i was exhausted. 

side note: not riding a bike for close to 2 years and then going riding for a hour is probably not the best idea... my butt hurts. 

i am refusing to get sick, mostly because my immune system is total crap and when i get sick, i stay sick for what seems like FOREVER. granted i do have health insurance over here, so if i do get sick, i will be able to go to the doctor and hopefully get something. but i really don't want to take my chances. so i will be hopefully going to bed at a decent hour, attempt to get plenty of rest, fluids, eat right and take my theraflu and hopefully that will be enough to overcome this cold by this weekend. me getting sick also means i don't have an appetite. which i guess might be seen as a good thing and might not. it does mean my co-teachers are going to give me even more crap at lunch for not eating. today i threw half of what i took away because i just couldn't eat anymore.

this weekend is the last long weekend we have. we have next monday off. it's national foundations day, whatever that is. this marks the last holiday we have off until winter vacation in january. yep that's right, no days off in november or december this year for me. i will be working on thanksgiving this year and no days off for christmas your new years. christmas falls on a sunday this year and i will be starting my first day of winter camp the following day. 

it's going to be really weird not having the holidays off while everyone at home does. thanksgiving will also mark only 3 more months that i have left in korea, so i know that when that time comes, i am not only going to be freeeeeeeezing, but i will be missing home and not wanting to be in korea. i already talked to stephanie about this yesterday, but we are going to have to go out and do things, even if it's cold. because i refuse to stay cooped up in my apartment by myself and be mopey. that will just not end well for anyone. 

okay back to this weekend... stephanie, clara and i are going to be going to andong for the international mask festival. after that we will be going to jinju for the lantern festival. it should be fun. thus why i must get better and not be sick. 

it's fall. i love fall. i love that it's not disgustingly hot and humid. i love that it isn't pouring down rain for days, even weeks, on end. it's nice and crisp in the morning and then relatively warm in the afternoons. this also means i get to start wearing scarves. i love scarves. :) plus tv shows are back now too. so i have something to do when i have to desk warm.

what i am not looking forward to... winter. i am going to freeze. last winter was apparently the coldest winter korea has had in 30 years. with this year to probably be the same. i. am. going. to. freeze. to. death. seriously. i am slowly starting to gather winter clothes, which means i am going to have to do a little more shopping. i might be purchasing a warmer peacoat. plus about a million long sleeve shirts. i am going to hate winter even more than i already do. 


this weekend i also ordered and picked up some burritos. there are two "waygooks" or foreigners who make homemade burritos in the area and sell them. i'm pretty excited, because these are going to be the most legit burritos that i have had since being in korea and till i get home. 


i'm thinking it's a burrito and salsa kind of night for dinner. let's just hope i have an appetite.

i'm turning off of real life, drivin' that's right, i'm hittin' easy street on mud tires

"you aren't a terrible teacher. you are doing good things. you are doing the best you can." 

i feel like this saying is on repeat in my head for 40 minutes everything tuesday and thursday. or at least it should be. someone should record it so i can listen to it the entire time i am attempting to teach my 6-7 class. i know i have complained about this class before, but me venting here for all of you to read is far better than me taking it out on my kids. trust me... i've come close a few times. 

as of today i have already kicked two kids out of class. we have yet to do an extra activity (usually a review game at the end of the lesson) that i have prepared because when we start it, the class becomes complete and utter chaos to the point that i can't even hear myself think. i don't know how many times i have to stop in the middle of my lesson to get them to be quiet; they are constantly talking. or throwing something. or poking each other. or slapping each other. or trying to pull each other chairs out from under them. or something else equally has frustrating. there have been multiple times where my korean co-teacher has pulled one of them to the back of the room, placed a blindfold on them and told them to stand there in silence with their hands up. (punishment in korea is way different than the states. check this out.)

punishment, of any kind only works for a small amount of time with these kids. on tuesday of last week, i was fed up with all of the noise, yelling, not following directions and me attempting to shout over them wasn't working. i was fed up. so i turned off the game that we did for a whole 4 minutes, told them to get out a piece of paper and a pencil. they were going to write lines in English. after an outburst of complaining in korean, whining and angry faces; everyone had a piece of paper. i wrote the sentence they were going to write on the white board and told them they had to write it 30 times. they had to number the sentences 1-30 and it had to be in hand writing i could read, or they were going to start over. there was about 12 minutes left of class. no one was allowed to leave until it was turned into me and i approved it. as i was writing the sentence, i heard the word, "fuck" and then a bunch of korean. my co-teacher took over from there. she pinpointed the kid who said it and it was all downhill from there. thus the second student getting kicked out of my class.


last semester was a bit stressful at the end with these students, but i never had to result to making them write lines or sit there with their eyes closed in silence, which is what happened on tuesday of this week. my co-teacher made them close their eyes, put their hands behind their backs and sit there in silence for the last 7 minutes of class. i was told that the 2nd semester was going to be rough, but i wasn't prepared for this. 


when i have to result to making them write lines or sit there in complete silence with their eyes closed, i feel like a terrible teacher. i feel like i am just giving up and instantly going towards negative punishment. but i honestly don't know what else to do with these terrible, awful, horrible, no good, very bad students. 


i learned today, well not learned, but was reminded that i am not the only teacher that cannot stand this class. last semester i was informed that this class is notorious around the school as THE WORST CLASS EVER!  any subject teacher, including me, the PE teacher, and the music teacher to name a few, absolutely hate this class. the entire lunch session today was devoted to all of the teachers complaining about the students. the PE teacher said that the boys weren't listening or lining up, so the girls got to go first, resulting in the boys complaining for the rest of class. another subject teacher said when she asked the students a question, their answer, no matter the question was always, "oma" (which is mom in korean). the entire class period, this is what they did. 


i have 13 more weeks of teaching this class until the end of the semester. and i am already completely and utterly fed up with them. my fear: that i am not going to be able to contain my frustration when i teach them and a minor explosion ensues in the middle of class. 

"you aren't a terrible teacher. you are doing good things. you are doing the best you can." 
(if i just keep telling myself this over and over, everything is going to be okay.)

I wish i was cold as stone, then i wouldn't feel a thing

so it's official... i have applied to grad school. 2 actually. 

here's a timeline of what made me come to this decision: 

july/august: i got another "birthday email" from TSPC (i have gotten this same email since i became a licensed teacher in the state of oregon) informing me that i have until my birthday of 2012 to meet the requirements to renew my teaching license. after looking at the requirements, in order to renew my current Initial 1 Teaching License from the State of Oregon; i am required to have at least 3 semester hours towards my master's degree. i have known this information since i first received my license back in 2009, but have put it off (procrastination at it's finest) until now. it wasn't so much procrastination, but money. after finishing undergrad, i was in debt too much already and didn't want to jump right into grad school until i knew i was ready. 


beginning of august: major panic attack about what i was going to do about this. i only had 1 year left basically till things had to be done and i was worried since i am here in south korea. i then refused to think about it before/during my 2 week vacation in thailand. i told myself to put it out of my mind till after i came back from vacation. i didn't want to be stressed about it while on vacation. 


september: returned from vacation... still not wanting to think about it, but forcing myself to. so began the research of where i wanted to look at going. at one point i had 8 different tabs open on my laptop of different schools. 
one of the requirements that i wanted was that they have an online program. i was hoping to start my classes while i was still over here in korea. and then if i moved back to the states and decided that i might want to take classes on the campus i could have that option. (though i don't know if that would actually happen) 
after plenty of research, a few freak out moments, some stress induced tears, i have narrowed my choices down to 2. grand canyon university out of arizona and ashford university out of iowa. (i have a few friends who are currently doing their master's degree's at each school and they have all said they enjoy it) so i decided to apply to both programs to see what happens.


currently: as of now i have applied to both and now have to do my FAFSA... oh fafsa how i hate you. i need to narrow it down and pick one school so i can move forward and get started. i'm not entirely sure how i really feel about all of this, but i know it's the right step. (plus i don't think i can put it off much longer) 


the next big decision i am going to have to make is what i am going to do come next march. stay in korea, go somewhere else and teach, go back to the states, if i got back to the states; where to go. and of course the job aspect. and a car. which would require me to get my driver's license renewed since it expired on my birthday in august. so many things to think about...

and i'll be brave...

i have returned from my 2nd vacation of the last 2 months. first was 16 days in thailand. second was chuseok vacation. what is chuseok you ask? it's basically the Korean Thanksgiving. so i was given friday, monday, tuesday and wednesday off for the holiday. dani paid for both of us to go down to busan, which is at the southern tip of Korea. which equals, warmer weather and the beach and that means relaxation. overall, it was a great trip. it was nice to get away after 2 weeks of stress. 

and now to the point of this blog. the stress. first let me just say, being an adult is sometimes overwhelming and i really despise making adult decisions. it's frustrating and stressful. and drives me crazy. but it must be done. 

so it's the start of the 2nd semester of my teaching here in korea. i came back from vacation to the same 5th and 6th graders, only they are more eager to be done with school now. it's the 2nd semester, the 6th graders have already taken the national exams, which means they don't care at all. overall, my classes are fine. my 5th graders are still great and actually keep me pretty entertained. my after school 1st/2nd graders are still adorable. six out of my seven 6th grade classes are pretty good. but then there is the lone 6th grade class that i loathe seeing twice a week. 


this class has been terrible all year long. there are a total of 8 children in that class that are all equally terrible. and they just feed off of each other. and just make teaching that class complete torture. i have had my fair share of brats and devil children over the last 2 years of teaching, but this class takes it to an entirely different level. to the point that i have already kicked a child out of my room because i couldn't handle him anymore. it didn't help that he told me to "go screw yourself". yeesh!


the biggest thing for me is that english isn't their first language. no this isn't something that is news to me as i have been dealing with it for 6 months now, but because english isn't their first language; i struggle with classroom control with this class. this isn't something i have had a big problem with in the past. when i did my student teaching, i had the 6th grade class from hell. chair throwing, students cussing at me, students trying to break other students arms; but i was able to keep them under control. this class is a struggle. 


they refuse to listen. they refuse to stop talking. they refuse to participate. there have been many times where i have been forced to chose students and i have to go stand by them and sometimes physically stand them up in order for them to participate. there is no point in yelling at them, because they either a: don't understand or b: don't listen or c: don't care. it's only the start of the 3rd with with them and i am already ready to be done with them. i am at a loss as to what i am supposed to do with these children for the rest of the semester. any advice would be greatly appreciated. 


i am bracing myself for tomorrow already. they are the only 6th grade class i teach this week as tomorrow is thursday. they are ahead of all the other classes, so that means i am reviewing with them so they stay in line with all my other classes. thankfully i will have my coteacher with me this time.