don't work yourself up

new music. :) = wonderful.

the rest of my day has been the total opposite. stupid orela is going to kill me. i just took the practice test and some of the freaking questions are so ridiculous. they really don't have to do with anything. just random questions about each subject within school. the test doesn't actually test us to whether we are going to be good teachers or not, because there isn't a test to prove that. i personally think is bull that we even have to take this test.

sooooo my parents still owe me over $2000. currently it's around $2500. i was informed that i would be given $190 of it at the end of this month and go freaking figure that i'm am later told that i am not given it. since the initial $2000 was given to them almost a year and a half ago. i have been very kind and not pushy about getting it back, but that $2000 was left to me by my great grandma for me to use. i know that my parents have done a lot for me. though i find it really ridiculous when i ask if it is possible if i am going to get even a portion of the $190 this month and i get chewed out for being ungrateful. now it might just be me, but i find this to be a little bit ridiculous, since i was the one that gave them the money in the first place and i was told i would get it back in payments and have yet to see anything. it's getting really frustrating with the fact that i have bills to pay of my own without a full time job to keep my income steady like their's is. i don't know. i am just tired of getting yelled at for something that isn't even my fault. maybe if they were better with money there wouldn't be a problem. ugh.

i am already stressed about this weekend, my test is on saturday and i have three parts of my work sample due on monday as a rough draft to have to be worrying about money. honestly its bullshit. i hate it.

stupid freaking work sample. stupid test. stupid money. blargh.

*sighs*

cause it's all in my head

it's nice to get away yet again... except for when i have a ton of stuff to do.

i have yet to start homework. i have moved down to the library in philomath to try and find a quiet place to read. i have my psych book out and ready to read, but i found out that i have 50 pages to read about skinner... ick. did my soc reading before i left, thank goodness. i really need to work on my work sample stuff cause i only have two weeks to have three rough drafts of stuff to put together. lovely. i do have a ton of stuff in the back of my car, but yet to really look at any of it. hopefully sometime today, or tomorrow when my family is taking my sister to the airport.

tomorrow my sister ships out to ukraine for two weeks. still bitter about it, but whatever. she is packing today, hence why i am down here. this means that my mom is running around the house screaming and yelling at my sister for no good reason. she will be freaking out and stressed all day, which also means that my dad will be yelling at her to shut up. so i have left to let them all hash it out. oh i did find out that my sister's troop leader is a dumbass. she is only letting the girls each take $150 of spending money on their trip. oh stupid is that. a once in a life time trip and they can only take so much. i really just want to go down there and punch her in the face tomorrow and tell her how stupid she is. so my sister is taking more and just not telling her. haha. :)

i have also learned that my sister and this boy she met over the summer have gotten worse. they are on the phone all the freaking time, whether texting or talking. she has also started saying "i love you" when she gets off the phone. and she has only known this boy for a month and a half. not to mention that he is in freaking georgia. it has gotten bad. apparently he also has a child too, AND he is only 16 years old. ick ick. i am hoping she realizes what a stupid mistake she is making sooner rather than later.

i need to upload pictures still. maybe i will do this while i read. i stole all my sisters music, which means i now have more than just 700 songs on my computer :) finally.

nice to see jillian again. twice in one month is always a good thing. :) still jealous that she gets to go to disneyland again. grrr. not sure when i am coming back into town, probably around thanksgiving or so.

meh... homework is calling my name. gross.

all i know is that you gave everything so let that be enough

procrastination. that's basically what i have done all weekend. i still have yet to start my reading that i need to do for soc and psych. i also have to create a writing checklist of my 2nd graders. joy.

new hair cut. :) yay. i'm pretty happy with it. my bangs are going to take some getting used to, but i am happy with how things turned out. :) i don't have any pictures yet, but i'm working on it.

soooo for any of you who didn't know, my roommate being the kind and caring person that she is, decided to bring back from roundup to baby squirrel that she rescued from a cat. so for the past couple of weeks we have had a pet baby squirrel in my house. she even named him... moose. some pictures a below. he has been taken to the audubon society in portland since we decided that we couldn't keep him.
i have figured out what i am going to be doing for my work sample. i am going to be a doing a unit on nutrition for my 2nd grade class. i am rather excited. i found a few books at barnes and noble on friday. so if any of you have any books on nutrition that would be good for children let me know. :)

my mom gave me all over he jodi picoult books. :) well except for the one that she is reading and the two that i already own. i'm pretty excited. not sure when i am going to get around to starting them, but i am going to try and at least have a little of reading time to myself while i am doing school work as well. we will have to see how that goes.

off to read about gay marriage and the impact it has on the family for my soc class.

you took my hand and everything changed

i'm not sure what it is, but i am rather annoyed at the moment. its frustrating.

i really don't wanna study for my psych test that's on thursday. that's what i will probably be doing tomorrow morning/afternoon cause i have class tomorrow night. after class i will probably study too. ugh. i did finish my soc paper for friday and my discussion questions for friday also. thankfully.

i am tired of arguing with my parents about a car. i am not asking them to buy me a new car, but if they would be willing to help me i could get a car that i could rely on and don't have to keep putting money into for nothing. we have probably put at least $5000 into my car that i probably couldn't get $1200 for. its frustrating. i want a car that i am going to be able to rely on after i graduate for more than a year or so. i understand that my parents don't have the money to buy me a new car, but a newer, nicer, more reliable car would be nice.

meeting my mentor teacher on thursday. that i am actually excited for. i am finally ready to get started with my practicum and i am ready to start my work sample. seeing how i don't have a lot of time to have sections of it done.

i don't even know what else is bothering me. i am just annoyed and frustrated at everything. ugh.

i am off to shower and hopefully calm down.

what my heart needs now is rest

this day basically made my weekend. :)

woke up to a phone call this morning informing me that i FINALLY have a placement. i will be at Tobias Elementary in Aloha. :) finally. i didn't have to go to the dean either, so i am very happy. i emailed the teacher, but have not gotten anything back from her yet. so i am hoping i will be able to work something out over the weekend.

no class today. :) love it. i worked for 5 hours today, so that was nice. i have to figure out the work study schedule since we have finally figured out our problem with our money. lisa is going to be gone for 3 weeks. though she will miss us and won't be able to stay away the whole time, but it will be good for her.

goodness laundry is a never ending job. i swear dani and i have way too much laundry between the both of us. its crazy.

i do have a lot to do this weekend. let see... 1) psych project/writeup 2) soc paper on sarah palin 3) psych reading 4) soc reading 5) laundry 6) upload a ton of pictures from summer 7) upload more music to my computer 8) make the work study schedule 9) placement/education stuff

goodness. more than i thought. off to eat something and start on the list.

please stay, won't you stay tonight

this week has really had nothing good come of it. from the time monday hit i had a bad feeling about this week. and sure enough i was right. i have managed to cry everyday this week because of multiple amounts of things.

monday equaled me crying before noon for a good half an hour. lucky me still does not have a placement for my practicum and student teaching. so this automatically places me three weeks behind everyone else who has a placement already. i now have 24 days until i have to have 3 sections of my work sample done and i need a classroom and a teacher to be able to work on that. so i go in to see debbie to see if anything has changed with it. she tells me know and i automatically get frustrated. i tell her how ridiculous this is that i have to sit here and wait when i have my work sample to work on. then she thinks it would be nice to tell me that the reason my first one didn't work out was because i didn't go to the inservice days that the teachers have before their school starts. i completely lost it at this point. i got really angry, which lead me to start crying. i proceed to tell her that no where in any of the information that we were given does it say to go on the inservice days. all it says is to email the teachers. doesn't help if they don't email you back. by the time i left, i was yelling at her and crying.

tuesday i look for an email from her and get nothing. by the afternoon she had sent out a group email to everyone so she could set up a meeting with us to make sure we have a handbook and everyone knows what they are doing. stupid idiot. i was also already in a bad mood because of yesterday. then i happen to look in my planner and realize that i have two papers, one being on a project that i have to do. meh.

today was bad because during class we were talking about our placements today and i got really upset when i couldn't talk about mine cause i didn't have it. i held in my tears for the last part of class but as soon as i got in my car i just lost it.

so needless to say this has been an awful week and its only the third week into the semester. i can't even imagine how much worse its going to get. meh. tomorrow i am off to talk to the dean. i am hoping that he is going to be there cause i don't think i can wait any longer to wait for a placement. ugh.

off to get some much needed sleep.

i'll give you everything i have, the good the bad

frustration looms above me. anger, annoyance, fear all wrapped together. i really should stop over thinking things.

update on my placement.... i have NONE! i was informed last week that the other teacher has decided she didn't want me either. so needless to say i am two weeks into the semester without a placement, with 28 days till three portions of my work sample are due and i can't do anything about it. all i can do is sit and wait. so needless to say i am going to be persistant and go into the debbie's office everyday until something is fixed. and if after another week and a half nothing has changed i am going to the dean because all of this is unfair to me and adds more stress that doesn't need to be there. i shouldn't be having to deal with any of this. it all adds up to if things don't get fixed then there is a possibility that i will not graduate on time. there goes the college of education messing up again. i have already started a letter to the dean.

people keep asking me what i am going to do next. i honestly have no idea. maybe grad school, but no idea where, maybe a teaching job, again no idea where or for how long, maybe just a job to start paying back loans. who really knows. i just wish i wouldn't keep being asked about it.

i swear laundry is never ending and so annoying.

my box to goodwill is becoming very large. i really need to take it in. i also need to take three of my heels in to get new tips eventually soon since i wear them all the time.

finally getting my hair cut on the 18th. not exactly sure what i am going to do as i am really bored with my hair and sick of my bangs. i will be searching for pictures till then. i know i am keeping the length just a different style.

eh i need a shower and should read some psych. oh joy.

desperation there's danger in frustration

its been a long time since i have posted. there's a lot to catch up on, and really i just needed to vent to someone.

first the month of august was crazy. worked for half of it full time, then i started training for orientation for ambassadors. then came orientation and moving in the new freshman and such. that was a lot of work, but it paid off in the end. :) my birthday was the second day of orientation. it was a lot of fun, even if i had to work for part of it.

after a very long day of moving freshman in and then gilbert residents in and real world practice i went home trying not to fall asleep. next thing i know donald and dani are waking me up with my two favorite liquor's, Kahlua and Bailey's. it was wonderful. my mom came up and took me to macaroni grill for lunch where she bought me my first legal drink, an italian strawberry raspberry margarita. it was good. then more orientation. afterwards, my roommate, housemates and some friends all went into portland for dinner at kel's. in which time i finally got my present from my roommate that she had been bragging about forever. she bought me a coach purse. i screamed like a zillion times before we even left the house.

then school started on the 25th and that brings me to the present. i am only taking 12 credits this semester, which is nice for my student teaching and work schedule. which also brings to me why i need to vent. i freaking hate the college of education as of late. so i got my mentor teachers that i would be working with for the year. i have tried to email them over the summer and got nothing. so i emailed again once school started and that just created such a mess. after finally talking with debbie, who is really rude by the way, i have learned that my 2nd grade mentor teacher doesn't want me, but a flex student that can be in her classroom all day everyday. so now i am down a placement. they are checking to see if the 4th grade teacher is still willing to work with me and if not then i am screwed big time. all of this is sort of vital to have taken care of already because i need to be working on my work sample and start getting my 30 hours in the classroom in. so needless to say the college of education has screwed up once again and aren't taking the blame or fixing their mistakes. and the students are getting screwed in the end. ugh.

meh. other than that mess, classes are going alright. my sociology of the families is really interesting and i think it will probably be one of my favorite classes this semester. now psychology is a different story. i dread that class everyday. not fun at all. actually rather boring. my last methods class is going to be interesting. and then my work sample... well we all know how that is going.

i was also informed yesterday by debbie, that what i was wearing wasn't appropriate to wear inside the classroom. no freaking kidding. goodness. i went to one class in the morning and then work. she told me that i need to dress appropriately. no shit. hence why she was so rude. i have been in other classrooms and i am not stupid.

though this did bring up the idea that i am going to need to invest in more "work" shirts and heels or nice shoes. so this might bring on a shopping trip this weekend. :) shopping therapy is always a good thing.

alright i need to go and make something for dinner and then try and breathe and relax and figure out what i need to do for homework tonight. then its off to 4 hours of class. oh joy. i think dutch brothers is going to be needed.