we were doing it right, we were coming alive

today marks me being in korea for 9 months... crazy how time has flown by. i still get those moments sometimes that feel like i just got here. they are scarce, but they still happen sometimes. 

so i have 3 months left on my contract at my current elementary school. because GEPIK went through a giant budget cut this year, a lot of schools lost their funding and they have been on a hiring freeze because of it. originally, before any of this happened, my school told me they probably wouldn't be able to afford me next year because i get paid on a higher rate because of my teaching license. this was fine because i wasn't planning on staying a second year. but the more i have thought about it, the more it makes sense for me to stay a second year. there is nothing for me back in the states. why not stay here where i can make enough money to not only pay my bills, but save and be able to travel? so i asked my school what the status of the school budget was like for next year... as of now no budget for a native english teacher. this presented a problem. if i am going to stay a second year, i am going to have to find a new school. or pray my school somehow gets funding for next year. 

so to avoid panicking too much, i contacted my recruiter who i went through when i got here. told them the situation and asked if they could help me find another job. i want to stay in the area i am in, and i refuse to go anywhere but a public school. no hagwons for me. so naturally the first two schools they sent me... hagwons. then i got an email about a public school in bucheon that wanted to interview me. the catch... it's a middle school. i have never taught middle school and technically in the states i am not licensed to teach middle school, nor would i really want to. after telling my recruiter i would do the interview, i learned that the school had 10 resume's they were looking at and i am the only one who is getting a second face-to-face interview. that made me feel pretty good and a little nervous at the same time. 

so wednesday (pending approval to miss my school's teacher's sports day) i have a face-to-face interview in bucheon at a middle school. which automatically makes me extremely nervous. i hate interviews, whether they are over the phone or in person. i just automatically get nervous, stressed, shaky hands etc. even thinking about it now has made me nervous. 

this interview has brought on all these questions though...

do i really want to stay a second year? 
i have loved my time here in korea. it's been a great experience. but can i handle being gone for another year? if i could renew with my school there would be so many benefits of staying. a pay raise, an extra 2 weeks of vacation, already knowing the kids i would be teaching etc. 

is it worth me starting over at a new school? 
since my school can't renew my contract i have to start over. in a new town where i have never been. at a new school. with new students, who are older than i have ever taught before. with new co-workers which may or may not be good. there isn't any perks of me starting at a new school. i will be earning the same, no extra vacation, etc. 

do i want to risk going back to the states with nothing lined up? 
the job market in the states right now is terrible. do i really want to pack up here and go home just to find there is nothing there? 

am i going to regret my decision either way? 
no matter what i choose, whether i stay or go home, am i going to regret it?  

all these questions and more running around in my head. makes it very hard to think straight sometimes. these next three months are going to be full of tough decision making. when did we become grown-ups and required to make grown-up decisions?