chances are only what we make them and all I need

new music makes me happy. probably more than it should, but it's better than the alternative.

i seriously need a long vacation away. a vacation from work. a vacation from the commute. a vacation away from my apartment. a vacation away from this state really. a vacation away from my mind. the last one would help so much. sometimes it would be nice to have an off button for specific parts, that way i wouldn't have to actually think about specific things.

things are a little more organized. i at least have the piles off my floor, well minus the pile of bags of christmas and birthday presents i bough yesterday. finally did my laundry to full completion. seriously it was getting a little bit ridiculous. but thankfully the last load is in the dryer and should be done in a bit. i still feel completely and totally lost with the rest of it.

still not done with gifts, but i am getting there. hoping to get some more tomorrow after work. kenzie's presents for christmas and birthday are done. kelly's is done. savannah and sierra's are done. part of jillian's. i know what i am getting ginger and kathy, i just need actually go and get them. still not sure about the parentals. and then i think i only have two or three more presents to worry about.

i decided that i really want a desk in my room. not sure where i would put it, but i feel lost without one. granted i didn't really have one my whole senior year of college, if you don't include the kitchen table or the counter that dani and i both took over a lot. or the living room floor. if i decide to get a desk i am going to have to rearrange my room, which could be fun, minus the ridiculous heavy dresser.

i think keeping my mind occupied at all times is helping. honestly if i just keep it busy thinking about everything else i don't start to think about the ridiculousness of everything else. i was reminded today of how much i love my best friends. they always know what to say to make me feel better. and they have my back too. :) i just need to keep busy and reread the love.

"there's a point in life when you get tired of chasing everyone and trying to fix everything,
but it's not giving up. it's realizing that you don't need certain people and their crap"

"never say you're happy when you're sad.
never say you're okay when you're not!!
and don't you ever say you're alone when i'm alive!"
(i got the last one in a text message out of the blue from a friend i hadn't talked to in months. it honestly couldn't have come at a more perfect time.)

off to attempt to sleep a whole night... a girl can hope.