i neeeed to be able to sleep through the night without waking up in the middle of the night 4 or 5 times having nightmares and unable to take a full breath. it's getting really old and i am tired of always being tired. i can't ever get a full nights sleep. it probably has to do with the zillion different things i have on my mind right now.
i have figured out why the whole situation with you bothers me so much. i told you my deepest and darkest secret, that i have only told 3 people, because i trusted you. and now, now that this whole situation makes me feel like i made a mistake by telling you. i wish you never knew about it. i feel like you look at me different because of it. and because you are you, i can't tell you any of this.
i feel like i have ruined a perfectly good friendship and all for one thing. and i know things will never be the same and that's what i don't like. not at all.
lesson planning a whole month at a time is so frustrating. i feel overwhelmed and like my brain is being pulled in a zillion different directions.
tomorrow is going to be a day of waiting. waiting for results and answers to all of the questions. i hate waiting. i am impatient. that phone call can't come soon enough tomorrow.
i need to sleep. and i need to feel better about all of this. and i need to leave. and i need to be told everything is going to be okay.
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