today ended up being a very blah day. i think the highlight of my day was my walk/playing in the snow this afternoon. :) even if i was cold and my socks fell off in my boots it was still fun to walk around and play in the snow. minus getting hit in the face with a snowball one too many times.
other than that i haven't had the energy to do anything. 2.5 hours of sleep isn't enough. i miss getting more than 5 or 6 hours of sleep. i am thinking that once i go back to work i am going to find a doctor over in clackamas and make an appointment to try and figure out what is wrong. because this is getting ridiculous, not mention i think work. 2.5 hours is the least i have slept in the last two months. i want to be able to get over this on my own, but i am starting to get more and more frustrated with it, which probably isn't helping the fact that i already don't sleep enough. maybe my vacation that starts tomorrow will help with this lack of sleep, maybe.
there is so much that i want to write, but my thoughts are so jumbled that i can't keep them straight and they are all trying to spill out at once. i just need to be able to focus and write everything down. maybe that would help me sort through my feelings and understand them better.
i think why i have felt crappy for the last couple days is i am afraid of getting stuck. there are so many people in my life that are doing so many great things with their lives and i feel like i am getting set in my ways and i am getting stuck. i don't want to settle for less and i want to leave my mark on this place. i want to do something that matters. i want to make a difference.
i think a lot of how i feel is the fact that i miss so many people. i feel like i am constantly missing someone. whether it is my roooooomate, friends from college or high school, or family. most of all i miss my roommate. i miss being able to call her or actually see her anytime i want.
off to attempt to sleep. or read. or sort through my thoughts.
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