some days are good and some days are bad, some nights are better and some nights are worse

today i realized that there are some lessons in life you have to learn the hard way. whether or not we want to admit it, there are times when life is going to deal us a bad hand and not matter how we try to fight it, we are going to have to deal with it. and it's going to be rough. and there will be tears. and it will sometimes feel like there isn't any good coming from it. but in the end it will be worth it. it's getting through all the bad things that's the hard part.

today i realized that getting through my bad things is taking a toll on me. it's getting harder and harder each day. i wake up and tell myself that today is going to be the day where i am going to be able to breathe easy and where everything is going to work out, but somehow my mind takes a turn for the worst and by the end of the day i am emotionally drained from the struggle i am dealing with everyday. i know that i stress about things way to easy and that i let things get to me, but that's who i am and i can't help it. i just want to wake up one morning and have all the bad things be gone be taken away.

today i realized i keep people at a distance for a reason. i'm afraid to let people in because i have a fear of getting hurt. with good reason. i build up the walls around my heart knowing that if i don't let anyone in i won't get hurt. i realize that this is probably not the best route to life, but considering my past, i feel that this is the safe way. i'm too afraid of getting hurt like before that i don't risk it at all.

today i realized that i took that sort of risk. the first risk i have taken since that terrible day almost 3 years ago. and just like i thought, i took the risk on the wrong person. i knew what i was getting into from the beginning and even though i let myself think that this was the right thing to do, i still should have known better.

today i realized that no matter how hard i tried not to, i fell for someone who i know will never fall the same way. sure there is something there, whatever it may be, but it is never going to be what i want it to day. i fell for the wrong person. i just don't know how to deal with it yet.

today i realized that no matter what happens, it will be okay.