we were doing it right, we were coming alive

today marks me being in korea for 9 months... crazy how time has flown by. i still get those moments sometimes that feel like i just got here. they are scarce, but they still happen sometimes. 

so i have 3 months left on my contract at my current elementary school. because GEPIK went through a giant budget cut this year, a lot of schools lost their funding and they have been on a hiring freeze because of it. originally, before any of this happened, my school told me they probably wouldn't be able to afford me next year because i get paid on a higher rate because of my teaching license. this was fine because i wasn't planning on staying a second year. but the more i have thought about it, the more it makes sense for me to stay a second year. there is nothing for me back in the states. why not stay here where i can make enough money to not only pay my bills, but save and be able to travel? so i asked my school what the status of the school budget was like for next year... as of now no budget for a native english teacher. this presented a problem. if i am going to stay a second year, i am going to have to find a new school. or pray my school somehow gets funding for next year. 

so to avoid panicking too much, i contacted my recruiter who i went through when i got here. told them the situation and asked if they could help me find another job. i want to stay in the area i am in, and i refuse to go anywhere but a public school. no hagwons for me. so naturally the first two schools they sent me... hagwons. then i got an email about a public school in bucheon that wanted to interview me. the catch... it's a middle school. i have never taught middle school and technically in the states i am not licensed to teach middle school, nor would i really want to. after telling my recruiter i would do the interview, i learned that the school had 10 resume's they were looking at and i am the only one who is getting a second face-to-face interview. that made me feel pretty good and a little nervous at the same time. 

so wednesday (pending approval to miss my school's teacher's sports day) i have a face-to-face interview in bucheon at a middle school. which automatically makes me extremely nervous. i hate interviews, whether they are over the phone or in person. i just automatically get nervous, stressed, shaky hands etc. even thinking about it now has made me nervous. 

this interview has brought on all these questions though...

do i really want to stay a second year? 
i have loved my time here in korea. it's been a great experience. but can i handle being gone for another year? if i could renew with my school there would be so many benefits of staying. a pay raise, an extra 2 weeks of vacation, already knowing the kids i would be teaching etc. 

is it worth me starting over at a new school? 
since my school can't renew my contract i have to start over. in a new town where i have never been. at a new school. with new students, who are older than i have ever taught before. with new co-workers which may or may not be good. there isn't any perks of me starting at a new school. i will be earning the same, no extra vacation, etc. 

do i want to risk going back to the states with nothing lined up? 
the job market in the states right now is terrible. do i really want to pack up here and go home just to find there is nothing there? 

am i going to regret my decision either way? 
no matter what i choose, whether i stay or go home, am i going to regret it?  

all these questions and more running around in my head. makes it very hard to think straight sometimes. these next three months are going to be full of tough decision making. when did we become grown-ups and required to make grown-up decisions?  
 

take my breath away...

this past week was thanksgiving, and it marks my first thanksgiving outside the USA and away from my family. even though i wasn't near my family and friends back in the states, i still have a lot to be thankful for. sometimes i forget what i have and thanksgiving was a time to remember. 

i am thankful first and foremost for my family. even though i am thousands of miles away, thanks to technology, i was able to skype with them on thanksgiving before they ate dinner. it wasn't the same as being there, but i am thankful for my family and i love them dearly. especially adorable little girls. who just so happened to call me on skype the other day around 2am my time. the reason for the call in the middle of the night... savannah needed my aunt's cell phone number to call her and couldn't find it. so instead of waking up her brother who was home, she called me in south korea. how adorable is that? made my night. 


i am thankful for my friends, both at home and here in korea. i spent my actual thanksgiving night with a great friend having indian food for dinner and then doing some shopping. on saturday, i hosted a thanksgiving dinner for a group of friends. it was awesome to hang out and enjoy a home cooked meal with some awesome friends. the food was great, the company was great and it was wonderful. i couldn't have asked for more for my first thanksgiving abroad. 


i am thankful for my job. i have such an amazing opportunity to experience so much. all while using my degree and my teaching license. i get the opportunity to travel. meet some amazing people. not only make money, but save money. experience a new culture. i can pay my loans without fear that i am going to run out of money that month.


i am thankful for the roof over my head. with my job comes a free apartment. now while my apartment isn't the biggest, it has grown on me and i love it. i have made it my own. with pictures and such. recently with christmas lights. and soon with a christmas tree. 



i am thankful for my education. i have been given the opportunity to use my education for teaching here in korea. i have also recently decided to further my education and i am happy with what i have been doing with it so far. it's been an interesting ride and i am looking forward to continuing. 

i know in the next 3 months, there are going to be a lot of changes in my life as far as job, living situation, school, etc. and i am just gonna have to remember everything that i have. 

let my heart take me where it wants to go

so here i am, procrastinating on my homework again... i really just don't want to read anymore. and this article is 150 pages long. makes my head hurt just thinking about doing it. i'm supposed to summarize it and put specific information into a matrix that is part of a group project. we are also supposed to write an introduction and a conclusion to go with it. don't. wanna. do. it. 

today was extremely stressful and frustrating. it's usually how tuesdays and especially thursdays go. but for some reason today was more than normal. not necessarily because of my students (though trust me you will hear about them in a bit) but because i started to think about what's going to happen at the end of february/beginning of march and of course because i don't have any idea what i am going to do, i started to panic. silently this time so my co-workers didn't have to witness it again. 

i have no plans after my contract here is done. i don't do well with no plans and flying by the seat of my pants in certain situations. traveling, yah that's fine i can fly by the seat of my pants with the best of them. but life, not so much. i'm the type of person that likes to have sort of plan. a plan in this case would be a place to live, an income, a car (which would require me to update my driver's license). none of these things i have. i will be getting a nice severance package when my contract is done, but that is only going to go so far. i have saved a little bit, and could probably save more from now till when i am done. but again, only going to go so far. the idea of moving back in with my parents does not sound appealing. as much as i love them, i would love them more if i didn't live with them ever again. my parents sold my car, which is so politely asked them to do when i left the states back in february. but this has left me without a form of transportation. there is also the situation with the expired driver's license, which i need to update in order to use my international diving permit. oops. 

so because i was thinking about it today after i was done teaching for the day and because i was avoiding doing my homework, i went online and started looking for jobs abroad. i was looking at international schools pretty much anywhere, international job boards in a few different places. at the end of about 3 hours, with finding on a select few jobs, i was even more frustrated, wanted to cry, stressed even more, and just all around defeated. all i wanted to do was go home and crawl under my covers and forget about all of this. 

but i can't do that. because i have homework. that i am continuing to avoid. so on my walk home from work i was thinking, "well what if i stay in korea a second year?" which is a little surprising to me... honestly i didn't think i would stay more than a year. and up until recently i was dead set on going home. but the more that i have thought about it, the more i could see myself staying here. life is easy here. i get paid a fairly reasonable price. i am able to pay my loans with no worries. i am able to travel. i am using my degree for what it really is. i am gaining experience to add to my resume. i am learning new things constantly. i am happy here. but here we have a problem. with the GEPIK budget cuts, schools have been losing their funding for native English teachers, as far as i know my school hasn't lost their budget completely; but it's been cut somewhat. which means that my school can't afford me, since i get paid on a little bit of a higher scale because of my teaching license. 

which puts me back to square one. with nothing. so what do i do? well what i want to do is crawl under my covers and just forget all of this. but i can't. because that would only procrastinate on the inevitable even more. plus i have homework... yuck. 
*i would like to add that at this point i have opened a bottle of wine my aunt sent me from the states and have proceeded to drink a glass...* 


i am going to go into work tomorrow, or thursday (since i actually teach with my handler on thursdays and fridays), and talk to my co-teacher again to make sure things are for sure not going to happen. but i don't really want to go up to her and just ask her flat out if they are rehiring me or not... somehow i don't think that would go over too well. so i am gonna need to find a way to bring it up. i'm sure i'll think of something. 


i just really don't want to go back to the states. at least not right now. the job market blows, which means more than likely i would have to take a job i really don't want or a job that isn't in my field. and then i am afraid of hating my job. thus hating being back in the states. i am afraid of getting stuck somewhere where i don't want to be. i don't want to settle for something, when i know i can do better. i refuse to settle. i don't want to be stuck in a rut. this is what made me leave in the first place. because i was unhappy with where i was. and wanted a change. and now that i have it, i don't want to give it up. 


i refuse to settle. i'm afraid to go back to the states. i fear i am going to fail. i need things to fall into place for me. just this once. just fall into place so i know what i am doing. please. 

it's gonna be alright baby

i am two weeks into my new grad school class and i have come to the conclusion that all i am going to be doing for the rest of my 6.5 weeks in this class is reading. reading, reading, reading. that's it. with a paper here and there, but mostly reading. 

i don't know if it's that i haven't been in school for 2 years and i forgot the amount of reading that there was in college, or that there is far more reading when you are a grad student, but i definitely feel a little overwhelmed with the amount of reading i have to do every week. it's seriously at least 500 pages from a variety of articles and such. like this week, let's see: 

chapter 11 from one of my textbooks, 6 different online articles from the library; each at least 50 pages as a minimum, a 150 page article that i need to summarize and put into a matrix and follow the guidelines. i then need to send my information in my matrix to my group members... er member. i also needed to find an article to go with my action research proposal plan topic and read summarize and write about that. 

at let me tell you, i never really liked group projects, but having a group project when everyone is spread out across the United States and i am here in Korea... yah it blows big time. it's very hard to get a hold of everyone. we started out as a group of 5. but since then 2 of our group members are inactive (as in they haven't done anything in the online classroom at all). i got a message from one of my group members today, apparently the 3rd one has not responded to anything, so he is emailing the professor and asking for advice on what we should do. this just seems to be way more stressful than i remember. 


i just need to keep in mind that this is all going to work out and it will be fine. i am doing this to further my education. thankfully i was informed that there is a 2 week christmas vacation that is built into the class around the holidays. so i will have a 2 week break where i don't HAVE to do work, but if i need time to catch up on things i can. after the new year, i will finish my last week and a half of class and be done. then i will be taking a voluntary 2 week break because i will be going to indonesia in january for my winter vacation. i am quite excited for that. 


i feel like all i have done is read today. and i am no where near being done. i have decided it's 9pm and i'm done for the night. i can't handle reading and summarizing anymore. that's what i will be doing tomorrow after i am done teaching and lesson planning. 


it's also starting to get cold out. we had a cold patch a while back and then it got warm again, which has been nice, but now it's getting cold again. cold enough that i have to wear socks to bed... and we all know how much i loathe wearing socks to bed. but it's far too cold otherwise. 


i need to go pack away all of my reading. the pile on my floor is growing...

michael jackson scaring my children

so i'm sure some of you saw on my facebook that i got the pleasure of scaring the crap out of my children around halloween with a video. i promised that there would be video to follow. i have finally uploaded all the videos i could take and here are the results. 

first, here is the video that was used. you should watch it first. 


i was only able to get 2 of my 5th grade classes. here are their reactions: 

here are the reactions from my 6th grade classes: