the job search continues. i have finally gotten my other letter of rec i have been waiting for over three weeks for. :) so that should help things a bit. plus i plan on buckling down and hardcore doing searching, because i am not happy where i am at and i really think it might be starting to show. i hate to say it, but it is. i need to stay positive, but there are just times when it is so incredibly hard.
i think the thing that frustrates me is i have now been beaten out of two jobs to people who have master's degrees. so frustrating. i know i have to get my master's degree, but right now it isn't in my budget and i can't afford it. i know i have 9 years left, so here is to that.
i also feel afraid that i am going to get stuck in my current job and i don't want that. i am afraid i am just not going to be able to find something else and i am going to end up getting stuck there because i know i already have it. it is just so frustrating because it isn't where i want to be.
when i think about all this, i get extremely overwhelmed and frustrated. then i get upset and i start over thinking about things, including job, money, the not so distant future of having to move, where to go, how to pay for it all etc. i know i need to calm down and take it all one step at a time, but sometimes i just can't help but think about it all, because it is all right there in front of me waiting to be answered. and i feel like sometimes i have to have the answers right now instead of waiting to see what happens.
i think there is a reason i have always had walls around my heart. for fear of getting hurt again. and just when i thought it was okay to slowly bring them down something happens and i feel i have built those walls even higher. i fear they are just going to get higher and higher and i am going to push everyone away. i already don't let a lot of people in or get close but i fear that i won't let anyone in at all.
i need the opportunity to clear my head and be able to fully breathe again. i always feel so overwhelmed and like there is never enough time for everything.
1 comment:
grad school is never in anyones budget. ever. you just come to the realization that youre going to be poor for the rest of your life, but being educated is totally worth it.
and no worries...everything happens for a reason. maybe those jobs would have been like the one you have now and would have only been a temporary fix? maybe youre going to meet a hot italian man that wants you to move to his bungalow with him? and if none of those options pan out, theres always federal unemployment money to take advantage of :)
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