i think i am denial. no i don't think, i know i'm in denial. about a few things. i know this and right now i don't know how i feel about it. sometimes i feel that if i am denial about it then i won't have to deal with how i feel about it. which isn't going to end well. i know this too.
my friend i leaving. moving to be more specific. and while i am very excited for this friend to be able to take this next step to a new chapter in their life, i am going to miss this friend. probably more than i should and more than they will really know. which brings me to why i am in denial. if i don't think about it happening then i don't have to think about how i feel about the situation. i mean i knew it was coming, but to think about it has put me in tears a couple of times already. i guess i am just not ready to say goodbye.
i had a friend ask me today if the reason i was leaving in jan/feb to go abroad had anything to do with said friend from above leaving. i had honestly never thought of that. but when i stopped and thought about it i guess i am. and no i am not leaving here because this friend won't be here anymore. i am leaving here because i see this friend making the next move in their life that is getting them one step closer to their dream and honestly it made me a little jealous. i feel like where i am right now i am stuck in a rut. i am working a job i don't want to be at for the rest of my life. i am living in an apartment that my lease ends in january and am still not sure where i am going to go. i wanted to be able to say that i am taking a next step in my life and making progress. so if you were to ask me again if i was leaving because this friend is leaving, the answer would be yes, but not yes for the reasons you think.
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