i know your streets are lined with a fine mess inside

job searching = ridiculous.

housing searching = not going anywhere when you can't get a hold of one of your roommates.

stress level currently = way high. no job after the end of august. no place to live. going into the real world empty handed. stressing just a little. no take that back, a lot.

and i wonder why i can enjoy myself when i go out and try to have fun.

the little things are starting to get to me. i can't handle this. i'm freaking out.

you ask for the truth, but you know you could do so much better

i think i have decided being a college graduate as of now has been more stress than anything else. seeing how it is the middle of july (and funny cause i first typed june), and i still have no job come the end of august. we also don't know where we are living, and i am afraid of what is going to happen come august, when i not only have to move out of where i am, but no longer have a job. i am worried i won't be ready, i won't be able to find a job by then and i am worried i won't be able to handle all the upcoming stress right now. i am starting to get overwhelmed. i'm not content with where things are in my life, i know i want to do more, but i don't know if i am going to be ready to take it all on right now.

when i start to think about all of this, i get this large pit in my stomach and my heart starts to hurt and i get myself all worked up.

sometimes i just feel so alone. like no one understands what i am feeling and i am going through this all by myself. i feel like i can't talk to anyone about it because they are just going to look at me like i am being ridiculous. i know i have people there to help me, but there are times when i feel oh so alone.

i watch the stars from my window sill, the whole world is moving and i am standing still

work is going alright. stilll quite bored, but i should have stuff to do starting tomorrow. thank goodness. something to do for the first time in like 2-3 weeks. the downside of being on top of everything and caught up with the forever long list of things that have to be done during the summer. next big project... housing packets for new students, emailing returners that have new students in them, and excel sheets for billing.

i am almost 22 years old. have been around my fair share of fireworks, legal and illegal ones. never have i been burned by them... till now. holding a sparkler with my 2 year old cousin and she shakes it too hard and it ends up burning both of our legs. so now i have two small burns on my legs.

job searching is a pain in the neck. i jsut with i would find something and things would go smoothly with no problems. it's already july and i am still looking. everyday. i even have people looking for me too. ugh. hopefully something will come up soon.

need to figure out how to block a couple numbers from being able to contact my phone. would be helpful if at&t's website would be easier to be able to navigate and find things. ugh. stupid website and stupid people that won't leave me alone.

thank goodness i am only working half day on friday. then it's off to philomath for the dreaded doctor's appointment and a weekend away from the grove again. :) the more time away the better.

i need to go to the library at some point and get a new card so i can get different books, cause i am tired of the ones that i have. jodi picoult is starting to get old. i only have 4 more of her books to read till i have read them all. but i am getting bored with them. sadly those are the only books that i kept out when i packed that i hadn't read yet. all the other ones are for other people who are going to borrow them.

still looking for a house with kathy and kelly too. hopefully that will come through soon.

back to work. oh joy. thank goodness there is only 30 mins left and then i can go crash cause i didn't sleep very well last night.