i'm really not good at this whole "keeping things up to date" on here... guess i should probably work on that. though i'm not making any promises cause i seem to get distracted pretty easily.
since today is midterms day, this means i am not teaching today. which equates to desk-warming. ah... a term i, along with any other public school foreign teacher, am very familiar with. this is actually my first time desk-warming since starting at my new school. wait... i lied, i desk-warmed the first couple days cause students were getting settled into a routine before they started english class. it's weird to not be teaching and while it is nice to get somewhat of a break from teaching 4-6 different classes a day, i happen to really enjoy teaching my students this year and miss it when i don't. though since it is friday, it's nice not to have a break!
this month marks my 13th and the beginning of my 14th month in korea... it's crazy to think that i have been living abroad for more than a year. and without seeing america either... which is something that is going to change come august... yep you read that right,
I WILL BE STATESIDE ON AUGUST 10th UNTIL THE 25th!!!
if you couldn't tell i'm a bit excited about this! by this time i won't have been home for 18 months, which is the longest i have ever been away from home. considering i hadn't lived anywhere outside of oregon (unless you count me living at my aunt's in vancouver, washington for 2 months before moving to korea) living outside of the states is a big deal for me. so i'm rather excited to be heading back in august for a nice little vacation away from my life in korea. i only have 14 solid days in america, so if any of you reading this want to see me, shoot me a message somehow and we can make it happen. those 14 days are going to be filled with little sleep and jamming everything and everyone i can into it! not going to lie... i have already started making a list of the things i want to do, places i want to go, and foods i want to eat! i guess i should start saving my money now....
since i haven't been home in almost 14 months now i knew starting my second year was also going to bring a second wave of homesickness and it kicked in few weeks ago. i woke up one saturday morning and felt like i had been kicked in the chest. i didn't want to be here, hated that i decided to stay, just wanted to be home with my family and friends, and really wanted nothing to do with anyone here or with korea in general. i spent a good portion of the day upset inside my apartment. which i know isn't good, but sometimes you just have to embrace the homesickness, deal with it and get it over with. which is what i have slowly been doing. it also didn't help that i wasn't on speaking terms with a "friend" for a solid month. which took a toll on me as well.
speaking of the silent treatment... which is now over. sort of. i have now heard from this friend after an entire month of nothing but silence. and while we are back on speaking terms, i never did get the answers i was looking for, which just makes me feel unresolved about the whole situation. i am left feeling hurt, sort of betrayed, and still questioning things. i'm just not entirely sure how i can trust them again. and after a specific comment was said, i just feel weird and uncomfortable even messaging them. so for now, we are on speaking terms, but not really speaking. and for now this is the way things have to be, and potentially how they will stay. because i just can't do it anymore.
on a brighter note... i am almost two months into my new job and i still love it. and my co-workers and my kids. while my after school kids stress me out sometimes because they can be crazy monsters, all my kids are great. my 5th graders, who i see the most (3 times a week) are great. even my "trouble makers" are good kids. my 6th and 3rd graders who i only see one a week are great as well. my 3rd graders, who barely speak english are just cute. and my 6th graders, while they talk a lot are overall good kids. plus i get to play the good fun teacher since they only see me once. and then there are my kindergartners... who are seriously the cutest thing ever. it doesn't matter the mood i am in... they always make it better. a perfect example would be yesterday when jungwha and i were walking down to lunch and we ran into some of my kindergartners coming out of the bathroom and they literally freaked out when they saw me. ran up to me hugging me, giggling and just overall being adorable. i was talking to a friend last night at dinner and we both said that even though we are both way busier this year with teaching and such, we are way less stressed than we were last year. and i really think a lot of that has to do with the kids and the environment i am in. i just feel better about things and my situation.
grad school is still going well... even though i still continually procrastinate on all my homework. it's a trait about myself that i've embraced. it doesn't matter the assignment, i am going to wait till the last minute to do it. it will get done eventually. i am officially half way through my current class. which has been going pretty well. i've enjoyed it so far. i have 2 individual assigments left, a group project and my final project and then i will be done with this class. as of now i have 5 classes after this one till i am done with my program. if i stay on the schedule i am on now, i should be done by the beginning of april. though i have a feeling i will be taking another two week break come january for my winter vacation like i did this last winter.
speaking of winter vacation... yes i have already started thinking about it. steph and i had dinner last night and started talking about what we wanted to do... we are thinking of going to visit clara in australia with maybe a stop over somewhere else beforehand. that means two countries during vacation... i could be perfectly okay with that! we will see.
so a few weeks ago i wrote a blogpost for my alma mater's alumni blog about my time abroad. i posted the link to facebook, but if you haven't checked it out, you should:
http://pacificalumni.blogspot.com/2012/04/new-perspective-on-education.html
spring is finally here in korea... which also means my allergies are in full swing. this week they hit not only me but a lot of my friends as well. i wake up completely congested, have a continuous running nose, and sneeze constantly. i guess this is all worth it though because it is no longer freezing cold! and speaking of the doctors... i went back in to get my blood drawn to check on my anemia on wednesday... here's hoping i get good results next week. that means i won't have to deal with anymore needles or nurses who can't draw blood without bruising me.
i guess this is a long enough update on my current life situation, plus i should probably get to lesson planning for next week. and my homework. and my to-do list.
Thursday, April 19, 2012
Sunday, April 1, 2012
we have had the time of our lives, now the page is turned
i woke up this morning after a night out in seoul with all these thought running through my head and no way to sort them out individually. rather my mind just threw them all out there at once and i slowly had to sort through them and try to understand what i was thinking and how i was feeling about each thought. this seems to be something that my mind does around the same time every week. since i am so incredibly busy and always on the go during the week, i don't have idle time where my mind can process my thoughts. so rather it stores all my thoughts and concerns throughout the week and then either saturday or sunday morning when i am lying in bed debating whether or not i should get up or go back to sleep my mind explodes with all these thoughts. and i am left to clean up the mess that they leave behind.
so i laid in bed for a while going through all these thoughts, many of them the same ones i have over and over again. after getting irritated with myself, i naturally logged onto my computer and went to facebook. while scrolling through my news feed i came across a status update by a friend i have here in korea, which was worded exactly how i was feeling. it said, "the mix of joy and sadness that i feel after parting ways with a beloved friend is always a hard pill for me to swallow. i will never have the strength to walk away without feeling that tug on my heart weighing me down. for this, i am glad, because it means i have not become cold and callous to this world yet". this is exactly what i needed to hear and it made the whole situation with said friend who i am not on speaking terms with at the moment a little bit easier. it helped me realize that no matter what happens, i am not going to be able to be the person that just drops it and doesn't care what happens. i am not that person, and wouldn't want to be. i want to be the person that cares and if that means getting hurt along the way, i would rather be hurt than not feel anything at all. along the lines of said friend, because i care, i naturally am always going to wonder why? why the instant and extended silent treatment after everything that has happened between us? what brought it on and is it ever going to end? and because i care, i also have to be aware that more than likely i won't get the answers i'm looking for and i need to somehow be okay with that. because i care i just want some sort of closure so i can stop worrying about it. but this is also something i will likely not get.
naturally grad school is always on my mind. i feel like a lot of my free time and thoughts go into it. whether it's my discussion questions for the week or the assignment i have for the week. i know right now my classes are going to seem like they consume my life at times, but in the end it will be worth it. i will be done with school and holding a master's degree. which one would hope would help in the ever going job search.
now that i am beginning my second year here in korea, and it's now april, the whole homesickness aspect of things i feel starting to creep up in my mind. as of now i haven't been home in 13 months, that is the longest i have lived outside of the united states ever and the longest i have been away from home. for me that is a big step. and there are times where i can feel it taking it's toll on me. i wake up missing my family, my friends and loved ones. there are days, like today, where i wake up and i feel like i am missing out on so many things at home. birthdays, anniversaries, weddings, births etc. by being over here. but i have to remind myself that i am over here living my life to the fullest and pursuing a dream i had only once dreamed of. i am making memories that are going to last a lifetime. i am experiencing so many new things. i am getting to live the dream that so many people wish they could do. i am so grateful for the opportunities that i have been given over the past 13 months and i am looking forward to what the next 11 months are going to bring to me.
the future is always another thought that lingers in my mind. i don't know how many times i have gotten the questions, "are you going to stay for another year after this?" "what are you going to do next?" "are you going back to the states?" etc etc etc. all the questions i hate getting. right now, i am living in the present, day by day and enjoying it. i have no idea where i am going to be and what i am going to be doing a year from now. i could be here in korea again, back in the states, in another country or a completely different part of the world. everything is up in the air as of now, and for the first time in a long time, i am perfectly okay with this. i can't plan my entire life right now, so there is no point in stressing about it.
i do have a few ideas to think about though. i have thought of staying in korea for another year after this. which this is just the beginning of my 2nd year and there is plenty of time to change my mind, i can't help but thinking how much i enjoy it here. i could do plenty of research and find another job in another country. i could apply for jobs through the DODEA (department of defense education activity) and work in a school on one of the military bases around the world. (this is something i would KILL to have the opportunity to do. getting a job with the DOD would be AMAZING!) i have also thought about doing teach for america. i requested a bunch of information today.
i just feel like i am destined for something so much bigger than moving back to oregon, finding a job there and settling for that. i don't want to settle. i want to be able to dream big and then go after my dreams full force. and while i do feel like i am missing out on what most of my other friends have, going the more traditional path of school, jobs, marriage and families, i wouldn't change what i have done or am doing for anything. while i do what to one day find love and have the love and family that i see my friends having, i want to be able to say i fulfilled my dreams as well.
so for now, i will sleep and begin a new week with the ability to say that i still loving what i am doing.
so i laid in bed for a while going through all these thoughts, many of them the same ones i have over and over again. after getting irritated with myself, i naturally logged onto my computer and went to facebook. while scrolling through my news feed i came across a status update by a friend i have here in korea, which was worded exactly how i was feeling. it said, "the mix of joy and sadness that i feel after parting ways with a beloved friend is always a hard pill for me to swallow. i will never have the strength to walk away without feeling that tug on my heart weighing me down. for this, i am glad, because it means i have not become cold and callous to this world yet". this is exactly what i needed to hear and it made the whole situation with said friend who i am not on speaking terms with at the moment a little bit easier. it helped me realize that no matter what happens, i am not going to be able to be the person that just drops it and doesn't care what happens. i am not that person, and wouldn't want to be. i want to be the person that cares and if that means getting hurt along the way, i would rather be hurt than not feel anything at all. along the lines of said friend, because i care, i naturally am always going to wonder why? why the instant and extended silent treatment after everything that has happened between us? what brought it on and is it ever going to end? and because i care, i also have to be aware that more than likely i won't get the answers i'm looking for and i need to somehow be okay with that. because i care i just want some sort of closure so i can stop worrying about it. but this is also something i will likely not get.
naturally grad school is always on my mind. i feel like a lot of my free time and thoughts go into it. whether it's my discussion questions for the week or the assignment i have for the week. i know right now my classes are going to seem like they consume my life at times, but in the end it will be worth it. i will be done with school and holding a master's degree. which one would hope would help in the ever going job search.
now that i am beginning my second year here in korea, and it's now april, the whole homesickness aspect of things i feel starting to creep up in my mind. as of now i haven't been home in 13 months, that is the longest i have lived outside of the united states ever and the longest i have been away from home. for me that is a big step. and there are times where i can feel it taking it's toll on me. i wake up missing my family, my friends and loved ones. there are days, like today, where i wake up and i feel like i am missing out on so many things at home. birthdays, anniversaries, weddings, births etc. by being over here. but i have to remind myself that i am over here living my life to the fullest and pursuing a dream i had only once dreamed of. i am making memories that are going to last a lifetime. i am experiencing so many new things. i am getting to live the dream that so many people wish they could do. i am so grateful for the opportunities that i have been given over the past 13 months and i am looking forward to what the next 11 months are going to bring to me.
the future is always another thought that lingers in my mind. i don't know how many times i have gotten the questions, "are you going to stay for another year after this?" "what are you going to do next?" "are you going back to the states?" etc etc etc. all the questions i hate getting. right now, i am living in the present, day by day and enjoying it. i have no idea where i am going to be and what i am going to be doing a year from now. i could be here in korea again, back in the states, in another country or a completely different part of the world. everything is up in the air as of now, and for the first time in a long time, i am perfectly okay with this. i can't plan my entire life right now, so there is no point in stressing about it.
i do have a few ideas to think about though. i have thought of staying in korea for another year after this. which this is just the beginning of my 2nd year and there is plenty of time to change my mind, i can't help but thinking how much i enjoy it here. i could do plenty of research and find another job in another country. i could apply for jobs through the DODEA (department of defense education activity) and work in a school on one of the military bases around the world. (this is something i would KILL to have the opportunity to do. getting a job with the DOD would be AMAZING!) i have also thought about doing teach for america. i requested a bunch of information today.
i just feel like i am destined for something so much bigger than moving back to oregon, finding a job there and settling for that. i don't want to settle. i want to be able to dream big and then go after my dreams full force. and while i do feel like i am missing out on what most of my other friends have, going the more traditional path of school, jobs, marriage and families, i wouldn't change what i have done or am doing for anything. while i do what to one day find love and have the love and family that i see my friends having, i want to be able to say i fulfilled my dreams as well.
so for now, i will sleep and begin a new week with the ability to say that i still loving what i am doing.
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