but i promise just to follow when i land

job searching = a pain in the neck, frustrating and overwhelming.

i am so tired of job searching. every place i have had an interview with said that i need more experience before they could hire me. i don't understand how the heck i am supposed to get experience, if no one hires me. i think i am going to have to result in applying for substitute positions in all the school districts, even though that isn't what i wanted to do. now i am just worried that they aren't going to be hiring, which i really hope isn't the case. i have the phone number i need, now if it was only tomorrow already.

i also need a social life. i feel that since graduation i don't see anyone and since i am not working at the moment i don't even leave the apartment expect to check the mail, take the trash out or for a job interview; which isn't going well. ugh.

substituting isn't that bad i guess. i mean it gives me experience, which is apparently what i need. the bad thing is that it is so inconsistent. i guess it will keep me motivated to find something on the side or more permanent.

ugh... off to find something productive to do. laundry, dishes, nap... whatever works i guess.

we can't forget these are the days

my car is a piece of crap. enough said.

stranded yet again because it overheated. this time we think it was because the thermostat was broken. so needless to say what was supposed to be a trip to ikea to spend my gift card ended up being a 6 hour trip that only got us to the parking lot of ikea and we ended up in washington for a good two hours. lame. thankfully we were able to hopefully fix it and sophie and i made it safely back to our homes.

now the real test will be tomorrow when i drive it during the day and heat to see if that really was the problem or if there is something else wrong with my car. if that's the case i am going to lose it. can't afford a broken car right now.

so before you say you're going to i should probably let you know i never knew what i had

i can honestly say that there isn't really one good thing about not having a job. nope... nothing. other than permanent relaxing, which honestly gets boring after a while. seriously. i need to find a job asap or i am not only going to go broke, but i am going to go insane from all this free time on my hands.

i am having to redo my resume so now i am going to have two different ones, depending on the job i am applying for. lame. i hate writing resume's. they are such a pain. i just wish it would write itself. that would make things so much more easier.

i need to start finding things to do that are free. or low low low cost. and things that will get me out of my apartment. or things are going to be super clean allll the time and i am going to run out of thngs to organize. haha. luckily sophie and i are going to be able to go on a hike this weekend. :) it will get us both out of our apartments and get us to do something. i also think i am going to go to washington to see my aunt and cousins. maybe she will be able to help me with my resume and the us bank stuff.

dinner tonight with some friends will be good cause i will have some human interaction. :) haha and hopefully i will have plenty of that during the weekend. :) make up for the lack of it during the week i guess.

why does this economy have to suck so bad. it makes it ten times harder to find a job. makes it much more stressful. ugh. now i am just complaining.

another thing that we stilllll need for the apartment is a couch. our living room is still fairly empty, which is frustrating. and just plain annoying. hopefully something will come through sooooon. it would be nice to have some place to sit other than the kitchen table and my bed. haha.

off to find something to eat, ikea with sophie, dinner with ginger. :) at least i am trying to stay busy.

and even though i cry like crazy, even though it hurts so bad, i'm thankful for the time god gave me, even if he couldn't make it last

finally have internet in the apartment. only through a cable right now, but soon, like tomorrow there will be wireless in the apartment. thank goodness. :) slowly this is looking like an apartment. now if we could only find a couch then it would look much more like an apartment. :)

it's been a long time since i have posted anything. it's been crazy since graduation. i have been working all summer on campus in the housing department. that ends this friday. which means that i need to find another job. i am waiting for my confirmation number from the criminal history registry database from the state of oregon. then there is a big chance of a preschool job in clackamas. but it's just the waiting game right now.

dani leaves for indonesia on friday. that means i am not going to see her for over a year. i don't even know what i am going to do. i will miss her so much. :( but i am excited for her.

i think if i stay unemplyed for long i am going to become a craft queen. i made coasters a few days ago, put up ribbon on my wall so i could hang pictures. i bought stuff to make a couple birthday presents. i am also printing a ton of pictures to put on my wall. :) haha i better find a job soon or i will be in trouble.

going to rascal flatts in october. i am so excited. :) now i only need my tickets to get here. yay.

off to unpack and find room for more stuff.

i know your streets are lined with a fine mess inside

job searching = ridiculous.

housing searching = not going anywhere when you can't get a hold of one of your roommates.

stress level currently = way high. no job after the end of august. no place to live. going into the real world empty handed. stressing just a little. no take that back, a lot.

and i wonder why i can enjoy myself when i go out and try to have fun.

the little things are starting to get to me. i can't handle this. i'm freaking out.

you ask for the truth, but you know you could do so much better

i think i have decided being a college graduate as of now has been more stress than anything else. seeing how it is the middle of july (and funny cause i first typed june), and i still have no job come the end of august. we also don't know where we are living, and i am afraid of what is going to happen come august, when i not only have to move out of where i am, but no longer have a job. i am worried i won't be ready, i won't be able to find a job by then and i am worried i won't be able to handle all the upcoming stress right now. i am starting to get overwhelmed. i'm not content with where things are in my life, i know i want to do more, but i don't know if i am going to be ready to take it all on right now.

when i start to think about all of this, i get this large pit in my stomach and my heart starts to hurt and i get myself all worked up.

sometimes i just feel so alone. like no one understands what i am feeling and i am going through this all by myself. i feel like i can't talk to anyone about it because they are just going to look at me like i am being ridiculous. i know i have people there to help me, but there are times when i feel oh so alone.

i watch the stars from my window sill, the whole world is moving and i am standing still

work is going alright. stilll quite bored, but i should have stuff to do starting tomorrow. thank goodness. something to do for the first time in like 2-3 weeks. the downside of being on top of everything and caught up with the forever long list of things that have to be done during the summer. next big project... housing packets for new students, emailing returners that have new students in them, and excel sheets for billing.

i am almost 22 years old. have been around my fair share of fireworks, legal and illegal ones. never have i been burned by them... till now. holding a sparkler with my 2 year old cousin and she shakes it too hard and it ends up burning both of our legs. so now i have two small burns on my legs.

job searching is a pain in the neck. i jsut with i would find something and things would go smoothly with no problems. it's already july and i am still looking. everyday. i even have people looking for me too. ugh. hopefully something will come up soon.

need to figure out how to block a couple numbers from being able to contact my phone. would be helpful if at&t's website would be easier to be able to navigate and find things. ugh. stupid website and stupid people that won't leave me alone.

thank goodness i am only working half day on friday. then it's off to philomath for the dreaded doctor's appointment and a weekend away from the grove again. :) the more time away the better.

i need to go to the library at some point and get a new card so i can get different books, cause i am tired of the ones that i have. jodi picoult is starting to get old. i only have 4 more of her books to read till i have read them all. but i am getting bored with them. sadly those are the only books that i kept out when i packed that i hadn't read yet. all the other ones are for other people who are going to borrow them.

still looking for a house with kathy and kelly too. hopefully that will come through soon.

back to work. oh joy. thank goodness there is only 30 mins left and then i can go crash cause i didn't sleep very well last night.