she wants to run outside and scream like hell

my cousin is going to be fine. :) best news of this whole semester. thankfully her tumor was not cancerous and i believe that she has gone home today to the rest of the family. wish i was there.

in fact i wish i was anywhere but here. i am absolutely sick of pretty much everyone in the house. i don't even really know what to say. i just wish i could leave. hopefully i can get away for the weekend. that would be wonderful.

for being on break i still feel stressed. go figure. maybe it's cause i still don't know where we are living. or possibly cause i have to ask my grandpa for more money cause we have to move. or maybe it's the people that i have to live with again. maybe it's because i still have a lot to do even though it is break. meh.

my sister is turning 16 in 4 days... goodness she makes me feel old.

no real motivation to do anything. i have slept for most of the afternoon. going to ryan's concert tonight with lisa and austyn. should be fun. then i will probably come back to the house, avoid the people i would rather not see and read the night away.

meh off to get ready.

happy as the sun, lighter than a feather

oh it feels so good to be done. now if only there wasn't all this other stress about many other things to worry about this would be a wonderful break.

still have to figure out moving situation, really want to be in washington with my family, but can't, have to work to make money, must yet again ask my grandpa for money since we have to move, not to mention having to be the only girl again in the house for most of break and all of january. ugh.

it really wouldn't be that bad to be the only girl except for the fact that one of my housemates has turned into an ass. now that i am up to date on everything he has said or mentioned i really have no respect for him. not that i had much of it before, but still. you knew what you were getting yourself into when you decided to live with all of us so quit being an ass about everything. another thing is respect... there isn't a lot of it coming from him. and my other housemate that i have always been tired of is stilllll a slob. i'm sorry that i make a big deal about it, but i don't like living in filth and am not here to clean up after you. i have 24 kids to do that for already. things have to change if we get the house we are looking at.

speaking of the house... it's amazing. a much better upgrade than we have now for only $20 more a month. i am okay with that. :) not to mention a jacuzzi tub in my bathroom, a bigger room and a much bigger walk in closet. and since the house in nicer, things will not be like they are here. we have to keep it cleaner or we are going to have a big big problem. not to mention i might go crazy. i guess it's a good thing i am never going to be at the house since i am student teaching full time. i'm okay with this... for now.

dying my hair tonight. :) already started making presents. have 3 done. 3 more that are so close. one will take a couple days. my sister's is gonna take most of break. making practice fudge tonight. thought about almond roca, but then realized i didn't have a few important things. sharone is wrapping my done presents also... since she loves it oh so much.

love the fact that i can read for enjoyment now. :) it is going to be wonderful. absolutely wonderful. i have already started a book. so many to read. and i can sleep in, sort of.

not sure when i am actually coming home. probably right before we leave for maupin and then i will stay there through christmas. then back up here to move. oh joy. also found out that we will need to find a washer cause my dad apprently sold the one that we had in storage. but we do have a dryer.

so far with my grades i have a pass in my work sample/practicum class and an b+ in my psych class. just waiting for soc and my other ed class. i'm sure i have an a in the ed class, but not sure about the soc class. we will see. hoping for the dean's list, but who knows.

it's starting to set in that i am going to be student teaching full time starting in january... it's scary really. i am excited but so nervous at the same time.

off to the store with sharone. finally getting to hang out for a longer period of time than just dinner. :)

hoping for the best

this is dedicated to you little one. you know we love you and you are a fighter. you can beat this. you are in out thoughts and prayers at all times. i love you!

"What Cancer Cannot Do
It cannot cripple love
It cannot shatter hope
It cannot corrode faith
It cannot destroy peace
It cannot kill friendship
It cannot suppress memories
It cannot silence courage
It cannot invade the soul
It cannot steal eternal life
It cannot conquer the spirit"
-unknown

If children have the ability to ignore all odds and percentages, then maybe we can all learn from them. When you think about it, what other choice is there but to hope? We have two options, medically and emotionally: give up, or Fight Like Hell.
Lance Armstrong

Once you choose hope, anything's possible.
Christopher Reeve

Keep holding on the rope of life and open your eyes after you reach the top.
- Trust Me

Life is too short
Don't waste a minute
Enjoy each day
And everyone in it

Tomorrow will come
It could be your last
Make the most of today
Life passes too fast.

I look to the sky and what do I see?
A castle, a rainbow, and dreams for me,
An end to this battle that I must fight,
To rid my feelings of depression and fright,
An end to cancer is not far away,
It will be here someday... someday.

God didn't promise days without pain,
laughter without sorrow or sun without rain.
But god did promise strength for the day comfort for the tears and light for the way.
and all who believe in his kingdom above.
He answers their faith with everlasting live God Bless

I am, and always will be a survivor

I will conquer anything that dares to cross my path.

all seem to mingle into one

just when i thought this week was starting to look up more bad news comes my way. it seems never ending.

this morning i was woken up by a phone call that topped all of the bad news that i have been given this week. my mom informed me that my cousin in washington who is also epileptic has been diagnosed with a grapefruit sized cancerous tumor that is wrapped around her ovaries and fallopian tube. they are going to try and operate either tonight or tomorrow morning.

i wish i didn't have my final on tuesday morning or i would drive up with my mom. so worried.

today is ginger's birthday so i will be able to take my mind away from the worry for tonight when we take her out. should be a good night. :)

just hasn't been my week. hopefully next week will be better.

remind us all of what we used to be

today was better... sort of.

have finally learned that my 5 credits i had left over have been waived. i can now graduate on time without having to take extra classes while i am student teaching. thankfully.

the property manager lady called me back this morning, so we are getting a formal viewing of the house on sunday at 2. i really hope this all works out.

our soc project is a pain in the ass. really i think it is pointless. doing the research was cool cause we got to watch the disney movies, but the rest i am not a fan of. group papers are just ridiculous. far much more work than is needed. that is what will be consuming my life this weekend.

i really would like it to be break already. though break means the pain of moving. ugh.

off to read. or watch something. or sleep. who knows.

but anything goes when everything's gone

this week hasn't been the greatest. it's been a roller coaster ride from the start.

certain things should be left unsaid. don't get me wrong, i was glad my mom decided to tell me, but it just wasn't something i really needed to hear. brought up many things i had buried and would rather not think about.

learned we were getting kicked out of our house because our landlord is an idiot and feels it is not important to pay the mortgage. so now we are left to find a new house during the holiday break and move. what a wonderful gift to us. luckily we have some prospects, including an amazing house that is literally over the fence from us. it's so wonderful. now if only the property management company would call us back. that would be wonderful.

still do not have a second placement, but i have been told "not to worry, it will work itself out". ugh. also i still do not know about my credits situation from mike. i have to go give him my academic evaluation tomorrow so he can move forward with it. so frustrating.

i just hope something goes right or good for us soon or i might crack.

decided to color my hair again. not sure when i am going to do it. in the next week or so. also while doing that, sharone will be wrapping my gifts that are done so far. since she loves doing it. plus i have started my baking. i am making a cherry pie tomorrow. made the dough for the crust tonight... wonderful.

once break starts it will be filled with not only my classroom and work, but reading and baking and christmas gifts. :) love it. oh and i guess finding and moving to our new house. not so wonderful.

off to finish crossing jordan and sleep.

so take back everything you ever said

it was wonderful to get away. :) love it.

don't love falling down half my stairs on my knee. not only do i have a big rug burn, a bruise starting, but my knee is throbbing. it's going to be wonderful tomorrow. i am also getting another bruise on my other leg from falling. lovely.

soc group project tomorrow, psych test and paper due on tuesday and then my soc final on the 9th and then i am done! thank goodness. starting in january i am student teaching full time. scary. but first a whole month of vacation. much needed vacation.

figured out what i am getting austyn for christmas. another present i don't have to pay for either. :) and ginger. still nothing for sharone and mi padre. hmm...

spending 4 hours with jillian on wednesday was wonderful. :) love it. i think that is two record for us, longest time seeing each other at one time and the most time seeing each other in one month. lovely.

off to figure out something to do with my knee, wash my face, brush my teeth and possibly sleep.